In the end, Don't Regret
by The Whisper in the Dark
Summary: You don't regret your past embraces". The Cullens leave for completely different reasons in New Moon. Bella still jumps Alice still comes back, but she may be seconds too late. Bellice Femslash Inspired by the t.A.T.u. song "Don't Regret".
1. Chapter 1

**I admit this is realllly fun! I squealed over 1 review, bad thing is it's only one review for 150 views :( Now let me get this out before anyone says anything, I will NEVER as long as I write fics that anyone wants to read hold a chapter hostage for reviews! It's one of the most annoying things ever, at the same time I really really would like them :) Cuz without them I can't get better at this, I probably won't notice my mistakes at all... So whether I'm too cliche, use one word too much or anything for that matter please tell me... **

**Onto other things, Bella may be a little OOC at times. Something wants me to give her a little bit of an attitude ;)**

**Now last time I did this I spelled her name wrong (Don't sue me it was an accident!), Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I only own the countless movie merch I got from Hot Topic, my Twilight DVD, My copies of the books and the pretty little Toshiba I type on.**

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"_Alice stop imagining such _things"_ Edward growled to Alice as she hugged me after giving me a not so expensive bracelet for my 18th birthday, she stiffened before mouthing "I'm sorry" to me and returning to her place beside Jasper and Edward returned to mine taking hold of my hand as the Cullen's had finished presenting me with birthday gifts. She couldn't have, could she? Did she slip and reveal the one secret we shared that absolutely _no one_ else knew? Suddenly the mood in the room became very tense, I looked to Alice and she confirmed my fears with a nod, everything seemed to unravel at that very moment. _

_Jasper had a hurt look about him as he looked between Alice and I, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were utterly confused. Edward began to shake at my side and turning to me "How could you?" he said as his eyes shifted from gold to black, the growls building up from his chest "Edward I..I'm" "BELLA MOVE!" Alice shouted to me, but it was too late Edward had thrown me against the wall by my neck and was growling furiously mumbling things that only another vampire could understand. Jasper and Carlisle pulled Edward off of me and I fell to the ground holding my throat as tears started to silently fall down my face "Bella I think you should go home" Esme suggested in a confused tone as she looked at her son, I was already halfway to the door..._

That night replays in my mind anytime I see anything that reminds me of _them_, "It will be as if I never existed" how untrue that was, everywhere I went there was some reminder of _their_ existences. At first I thought it was just _him_ leaving, but then they were all gone, the house was abandoned, cars gone, which meant _she _was gone too. The Cullen's left, at least what's left of them after my "College experiment" gone horribly wrong and by horribly I mean that I wasn't supposed to fall for _her,_ Curiosity killed the human I guess.

My boyfriend that I had believed for so long that I would be with forever, I betrayed him. My best friend, the one that knew everything about me and then some, I betrayed her by letting a mindless crush turn into a blinding infatuation, reciprocated or not. I was constantly grateful for whatever mental instability or gift I had that didn't allow _him_ into my mind. Without it _he_ would've known everything, every doubt I had about us, every unspoken word I wanted to share so badly with _her_, how after so long that I'd been so madly in love with _him_ that I'd barely felt anything when we kissed or hugged, yet when I was near _her_ it felt like I was high off of some unspoken substance, how I felt so restricted with _him_ and so free with _her_, how my heart longed to be with _her _and not _him..._ My first and second loves lost on the same day, tragic almost.

Then it seemed as if everyone else was gone too, Jake had become werewolf and declared himself "Not good enough to be my friend anymore", refusing to speak to me ever again and only being around when Victoria was near. I had alienated every friend I had at school, become a living zombie doing only the bare minimum to get by and avoid being sent to Florida by Charlie. Then he was gone too, killed in a car accident when the brakes on his cruiser went out and he went head on into a tree. Which of course me being 18 meant I got everything, the house, the bills and a pissed off red headed vampire that wants me dead. Can't _she _see what my life has turned into? Or did _she_ not care at all, I could only think that after my "Best friend" leaves without saying goodbye.

Now here I am 6 months later in Forks general waiting to die, and I still can't even think either of your names, constantly waiting for the hole to rip open again leaving me in a puddle of my own tears, grasping at some unknown force to keep me from falling into pieces. Guess I can't exactly do that though seeing as I'm in the ICU so doped up I can barely speak, listening to my heart slow in my ears waiting to see the infamous "White light" that supposedly welcomes you to the afterlife.

Even with all this hell I've been through I have no regrets, I met the most amazing people that will ever exist and you can shove that no soul thing up your sparkly asses, people without souls wouldn't have done any of the things they did for me. Saving me from another blood crazed tracking vampire, trusting me with a secret that could get all of you killed, and as it appears I am taking it to my grave... Yeah you guys totally don't have souls, oops too much sarcasm.

How could any of the Cullen's ever consider themselves monsters? I was the one that was the monster, leading _him_ on for so long even after I knew I didn't love him anymore just to be around _her. _I single handedly tore everything apart, I wasn't sure how Jasper didn't want to kill me that night instead choosing to stop Edward from doing so himself, and if Rosalie didn't hate me before she sure as hell did now, I ruined her family. Carlisle and Esme, how disappointed are they with me? Are they still proud to consider me one of their children, do they still consider me one of their children? These questions and many others rang through my head like Alice's bell like voice every day since.

_I can finally say their names _I thought to myself as I felt my heartbeat weaken even more and I knew that it couldn't be much longer, I try to open my eyes to see if anyone is here to send me off, but all I see is blurred edges and an annoyingly bright fluorescent light above my head, and all I hear is the noise of a hospital in the halls as the heart monitors beeps become faint. "Where is the light?" I ask nobody in particular, I draw in a few more breaths after that and everything seemed to slow even more as my head falls to the side and I see doctors and nurses rush into the room.

"She's crashing! code blue room 211"

"Get me a crash cart now!"

"Bella don't you dare give up now, don't leave me damn it!" a bell like voice yelled to me.

"Alice?" my mouth formed but no sound came out, then I was surrounded by nothing but black.

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**The green button would like your attention please :) Judging by how long it took me to write this I should only be 1-3 days between updates, I'm obsessed with writing chaps having over 1100 words, if I don't it will feel too short. By the way Happy Holidays to all! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone that read, reviewed, alerted and favorited this! If anyone that alerted this and got 3 emails about this chapter, I'm sorry but I'm still getting used to the editor and kept messing up, which meant I had to delete it and re-post it.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me. If I did Mike Newton would've been a dog named scruffy.**

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_**Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz**_

I groaned to myself as the wretched piece of plastic known as my alarm clock rang in my ears, I blindly reached my arm out to find the coveted snooze button "Ouch" I mumbled when my hand hit the nightstand.

"Isabella Marie Swan, mortal enemy of the alarm clock" Edward chuckled as he turned it off for me, I tossed my comforter over my head in a failed attempt to stay asleep only to have my Immortal boyfriend pull them off "Love I'm afraid school awaits" he added along with a cold kiss to my forehead.

"I know, I don't wanna go" I simply stated as I willed my eyes to open, "Neither do I, but appearances must be kept and educations completed. Although running off to our meadow for the day is very appealing at this moment, it is a much better option than hearing the thoughts of our peers for eight hours"

"Try actually talking to them" I grumbled while rubbing the sleep from my eyes not needing to look out the window to know that it was raining in _Good ol' Forks!_ Ugh, the only thing worse than the rain was me walking in it, with the coordination and grace of a one legged Flamingo in all. Defeated, I swung my legs over the side of my bed setting my feet on the floor, as I wondered how many times Edward would have to save me from killing myself today, while I would be standing completely still.

Sighing contentedly I opened my dresser to find something to wear that Alice wouldn't totally crucify me for, she was like the fashion police after twelve gallons of Red Bull. I gave up knowing the only way that she would approve of it is if she picked it, and decided on a simple black fitted thermal, a pair of dark slim fit jeans and my old beaten Chuck Taylor's I headed for my bathroom, taking no longer than five minutes to shower I combed through my nest of hair and pulled it into a messy bun, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs.

Edward and I entered the kitchen to find said fashion policewoman with a contemplative look on her face while holding a bowl of cereal I assume she made for me and sniffing at it, "Alice what are you doing?" I asked as my face morphed into a mask of confusion and amusement.

"Wondering how people can eat this stuff" came her reply which was covered in a playful disgust at human foods, "Because it tastes good" I retorted while taking it from her hands and taking a spoonful into my mouth, a smug grin threatening trying to work it's way onto my face.

"How can you drink Deer blood with the undeniable side of fur that must be in there? Unless you shave their necks before you bite." I joked earning an amused giggle from the smurf sized Cullen.

"Touché Swan" Alice said adding a courtesy for dramatic effect.

"I don't see how us being monsters is a joke to you Bella" Edward hissed interrupting our comedic rant, both of us 'Hmph-ing' at his not so humorous attitude.

"Because for the last time Edward, none of you are monsters to me" I told him not even remotely trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. "If you were, you would have killed me that day in Biology" I added after finishing my food and rinsing my bowl out.

Sighing at the war I would never win, at least when it comes to Edward. I grabbed my backpack and threw on my jacket as we went to the door, and made our way to the Silver Volvo... Until I inevitably slipped on air and waited for my skull to hit the pavement, only to be caught by the small vampire known as Alice Cullen "Thanks" I said sheepishly as a light blush of embarrassment colored my cheeks.

"No problem Bella, we can't all have a center of balance" Alice said with a wink and linked arms with me the rest of the way to the car.

We rode to school in a comfortable silence with the exception of the radio, eventually joining the rest of the Cullen's and Hale's in the parking lot where they waited by Rosalie's BMW.

"Hey Bells"

"Hi Emmett" I said to the bear of a man and futilely attempted to wrap my arms around him in a hug. "Hello Bella" Jasper said with a wave

"Hey Jasper" I offered returning his wave.

"If we are done with the pleasantries I think Bella has a class to get to" Rosalie stated evenly. "Yes I do, see you at lunch Edward, Alice" I said before reaching up to kiss him and turning to hug her, then heading in the direction of the school building.

Always on time when I was out of the sight of the Cullen's, Scruffy, I mean Mike came out of some corner where he was probably waiting for me to pass by. I am always tempted to carry around dog treats just for him, I laughed inwardly as the picture of him chasing after a stick entered my head.

"Morning Bella" He said too eagerly for my liking.

"Good Morning Scr-Mike" I caught myself before I let my internal nickname for him slip out. "Umm okay, how's _Edward_?" he asked the disdain in his voice noticeable, though he probably didn't think so "He's good, and Jessica?" I replied steering the conversation in another direction, seeing as I was on my way to gym, I wasn't in the mood for any Edward bashing. "She's Jessica" he answered sourly as we entered the gym.

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I took my seat between Edward and Alice at the table "Bella guess what" Alice cheerfully said "Yes Alice?" came my reply muffled by the apple I was chewing. "What happens in two days" she said while all but vibrating in her seat. What is she... Oh, "You are NOT throwing me a party Alice!"

"Yes I am, and you're going to love it" she chirped happily.

"Alice I already don't like the fact that I'm getting older, now you want to celebrate it?!" I whisper-yelled.

"Please Bella, we haven't had any kind of birthday technically speaking of course, since Emmett was turned" I sighed, I couldn't deny them this, hell even Rosalie looked excited though it was probably because she had the chance to get me some over priced gift, knowing I hate having money spent on me.

"Fine, but no gifts" I attempted to demand "Honestly Bella, did you think that would work? There are five vampires and one human, honestly think about it, can you _really_ stop any of us from getting you a gift?" Rosalie scoffed to my surprise, that she willingly spoke to me. "No I guess not" I sighed, at least I had two days to prepare for the _extravaganza_ that I'm sure Alice had planned. That said, it didn't go unnoticed, not to the immortals with superhuman hearing anyway, when I mumbled

"Stupid overactive pixie" needless to say everyone except me was amused.

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I always seemed to end up in the library in my free period, which is exactly where I am now studying for my Calculus test, some things never change I suppose. "Please don't be mad Bella, we're just excited... Even Rose, to have something to celebrate" Alice said as she appeared out of thin air behind me and taking the seat beside me.

"How can I not at least be upset Alice, I hate being the center of attention, I hate having money spent on me and with a party I get both at once!" I stated simply not looking at her, instead concentrating on the book in front of me.

"I know, I'm your best friend remember? But even without a party you still would've gotten gifts from everyone, besides it's not going to be huge Bella, just all of us and Charlie if he wants to come. And what about Carlisle and Esme, they consider you their child too and want to celebrate the day you were born just as much as Charlie, Renee and Phil do."

"You can't be that mad please look at me" she pleaded, I could see the pout she probably had on her face '_Don't look at her, do NOT look at her, you know you'll cave if you do'_ I told myself, and it was true she probably looked like I just ran over her puppy.

And for all her misguided attention on my fashion sense, which I tried to tell her was lost the day I was conceived, she really did care. Next to Edward she was the that told me I don't value myself enough. _"I will always tell you the truth" _she once said to me and she always did, no matter how terrifying, saddening or shocking it was she did. Letting out a long defeated sigh I looked over to her _'Wow she really does look like I ran over her puppy'_ I thought, seeing as she probably _saw _that I'd forgive her anyway, I gave in reaching over and pulling her into a hug.

_'I never noticed how warm Alice is' _I once again heard my mind say, as what sounded like a purr came from the slight vampire I was hugging. I let her go after a few seconds "Fine but I still don't like it."

"Who are you trying to fool Bella, you know you love me" she said light heartedly and pecked me on the cheek leaving the spot with a tingling feeling.

_'What was that?'_

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_**More Bellice soon... **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reading and all that cool stuff, I walk around with goofy smiles cuz of it :) **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...**

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"Bella"

"Yes?"

"Is something wrong?" I asked my human friend as we sat in her living room watching reruns of Ugly Betty, she hasn't been herself since I talked to her in the library yesterday, is she still mad about the party? I quickly threw that out the window, she said she was fine with it a hundred times over until I finally believed her.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking" she responded softly, I'm beginning to feel like Edward here and it's infuriating! I took in an unneeded breath, letting her scent fill me once more as I silently wondered why she has been walking on knives around me lately. What could I have done or said that is making her act like this, no harm in asking I suppose.

"Are you sure, you've been quiet, too quiet I add at the risk of sounding like I enjoy old westerns way too much. You know you can tell me anything right" I said turning my head in her direction to see that she was leaning as far away from me as possible, I reached over to put my hand on her shoulder as a sign of support, only to have her jerk away the second I did.

"What the hell Bella? I'm lost here, you won't talk to me and you're acting like you don't want me around either! I have no clue what to do here I'm not Jasper I can't tell what you're feeling and I'm certainly not Edward, and even if I was it still wouldn't help" I said rather animatedly throwing my arms into the air and sighing loudly, though not missing the fact that she winced at their names _'What was that all about?' _

"It's nothing Alice just leave me alone please" Bella said so quietly that I'm sure I was the only one that heard it or the small sobs she was releasing, pulling my legs out from under myself I stood and walked in front of Bella only to see the broken look on her face, and broken barely described it, I quickly pulled her into a hug allowing her to rest her head on my shoulder and soon she began to cry silently, tears falling but no sound escaping her except for the occasional sniffle.

She looked like her world was being put through a blender, twisting and turning so fast that she could hardly keep up with it. Even my eighty six year old vampire mind couldn't come with any answers or ideas of what could be bothering Edwards mate _'She could have been yours, maybe then this wouldn't be happening' _my inner voice told me, I just shut it out as Edward did, it was thinking of things that would never be, things that I thought I had long soon forgotten and sent into the far reaches of my mind, feelings that would never be returned. Although I still remember it clear as day.

_We sat at our usual table at lunch, well Me, Jazz, Rose and Emmett anyway, Edward and Bella sat at another not far away from us. They were making plans to visit Seattle for the weekend and he was on the verge of giving me the first vampire migraine in history, flopping back and forth between ways to show Bella what happens when we're in the sun. As I made several ill fated attempts at blocking his indecision from my gift, mentally begging for an off switch, I was pulled into yet _another_ vision. Edward was in a meadow surrounded by trees, flowers and grass as far as you could see, I soon saw Bella watching in amazement as his skin sparkled as if he was covered in thousands of tiny diamonds, Bella walking over to him and running her hand along frozen cheek. _

'It's the same place'_ I thought frantically realizing he would see it as well. I was taken into another vision, one that I've had before only that time I was lucky enough not to be within reach of my mind reading brother. I was in the same meadow as Edward, in the very spot where Edward was standing, my skin sparkling just as his was. Bella was in the same place too, the same look of amazement on her face, running the same hand across my cheek. Then kissing me, which I appeared to return eagerly and passionately._

"_Edward!" I shrieked at him mentally_

"_I love her, Edward!" I screamed to him in my head_

Of course Edward dismissed it, and used Jasper as a "guilt card" of sorts. Of course I sometimes felt like the only one of us that truly knew and understood Jasper, he was an empath for goodness sake, he understood feelings and emotions better than any of us. All he ever wanted for me was to be happy no matter what, even if it meant that my heart belonged to another and not him.

"_If they are important to you Alice, they would be important to me, even if it meant you were no longer with me. I would protect both of you with my life"_

Bella had calmed down considerably while I was busy dwelling on the past, less tears falling and hardly sobbing at all. Instead of asking her for the third time what was wrong, I chose to simply hold her until she asked me to let go and wait for her to tell me what was wrong seeing as asking wasn't exactly working. As she continued to calm down my vision became blurred _'Not now!'_ I growled to my gift attempting to will the vision away, to no avail.

_Bella and Edward stood by the Volvo as students were leaving school, Bella seemed just as distant as she was earlier. "Love whats wrong?" Edward questioned _

"_Edward I, I can't do this anymore" she said quietly, I saw Jasper and myself walking out of the main building hand in hand, as soon as he glanced at them he tensed up suddenly a sympathetic look taking over his features "I'm sorry brother" he spoke genuinely and quietly, my face holding a similar look as well as a small hint of knowing as if I had seen this coming, we both looked on._

"_Can't do what" Edward asked completely oblivious to what was troubling his mate. "Be with you, I can't pretend to love you anymore. Don't think that I was pretending to love you, I did but.." she said while she held back tears that were so close to falling. Emmett and Rosalie must have heard them or picked up on Jasper's gift shifting the mood around us, because they appeared beside us._

"_Whats going on? Why is Jasper making the whole school get all depressed?" Emmett asked low enough so only we could hear, I simply nodded my head in the direction of Edward and Bella._

"_I just don't love you anymore, I can't tell you I love you and mean it anymore, it's not fair to you or me. I'm sorry Edward" she said leaving him as still as stone, running to the spot where she normally parked her truck desperately holding back tears, only to realize she had rode with Edward to school today. "She still becomes one of us, she'll still be a Cullen too" I whispered, obviously glancing into her future._

"_She needs a ride home, she's still my sister Edwards mate or not" Emmett said shock evident in his voice. No sooner than the words came out of his mouth Rosalie took out her keys and began walking towards Bella. "Rose?" Jasper said in shock._

"_Look you're the empath you know I don't hate her, I simply disagree with her choices. All that considered. Esme and Carlisle said she is a part of our family, which makes her my sister, which means I will treat her as such and I would never leave my sister to walk home in this weather and that condition" she said quickly before she reached Bella tapping her on the back and offering her a ride home, which she accepted still fighting back a flood of tears, seeing her distress Rose surprised us yet again by wrapping her in a hug until she'd calmed down somewhat._

I came back to the present with Bella looking at me with an expectant look on her face, she did after all know how my power worked which meant she knew that I probably saw her decision to leave Edward. "Bella I'm so sorry" I said looking her straight in the eye.

"But you know that you cannot control what your heart feels, and if you didn't take it from the one married to the empath" I offered glumly chuckling at my attempt to lighten her mood, that apparently worked as she laughed a little while wiping tears from her face.

"Thanks Alice, I'm just scared, I've been with him for so long, he's been everything to me for so long and now it's just not there and I don't want to lie to him or me anymore. And I think Rosalie might toss me over a bridge after all the trouble I caused"

"Nonsense Bella, she actually considers you part of the family, you will find out in time why she isn't very talkative when it comes to you. And if you haven't learned by now, you should never bet against me" I told her as I sat back up on the couch allowing her to lean on me and feeling her warmth seep through my clothes as she tucked herself into my side, sending her scent up my nostrils once more and I felt my body vibrate, a small purring sound coming from my chest.

My gift chose to once more interrupt my time with Bella, why can't I get that damned off switch!?

_Bella and I were sitting on the couch just as we are now, watching TV as we are now. She is still leaning against my shoulder, now biting her bottom lip as if she is contemplating something. _

"_Alice" she called me softly._

"_Yes Bella?" I reply turning to face her. _

"_Have you ever had a crush on a girl?" Bella asks with a hint of embarrassment in her voice._

"_No"_

"_Kissed?"_

"_Again, no. Why?"_

"_Just curious I guess"_

"_You want to try don't you, kissing a girl that is" I accuse her playfully, of course she was embarrassed and turned 7 shades of red._

"_No" _

"_Well maybe a little..." she says suddenly deciding that the hem of her shirt is very interesting._

"_We could try if you like, it would be our secret, scouts honor" I offered calmly seeing as making her uncomfortable wasn't high on my list of things to do. She became noticeably excited for reasons unknown to me. "Okay secret though, keep Edward out of there" she joked and tapped my forehead._

"_No problem, I have infinite amounts of pop songs to annoy him away with" I told her with a smile._

I came out of it to see Bella now blushing 10 shades of red, no doubt guessing that I saw that.

"Well now this is even more awkward than I thought it would be because you just saw me asking to kiss you" she said before slapping herself on the forehead, I just giggled.

"Not funny Alice, where is Charlies gun so I can shoot the brain that thought of that _wonderful_ idea"

"I don't mind Bella, if you want to try it will be our secret" I said while standing to give her a three finger "Scouts honor" salute.

She stood for a minute or two longer before finally deciding to try "Wait what about Jasper?" she asked "Bella you act as if I am sleeping with you, you're just curious he would understand"

_'Ha, she looks like a beet now'_ I laughed at my own joke.

After a few more seconds of silently debating to herself she got up off of the couch, standing in front of me still pulling at the bottom of her shirt, her eyes flashing between my eyes and my lips. _'How long have you waited to do this?'_ my idiotic inner voice had made a return, _'Shut up, I will just satisfy Bella's curiosity and I can bury you and these feelings once more'_ I hissed at it.

While I was busy arguing with myself I didn't notice how close Bella and I now were, I could feel her uneven breaths on my lips, smell her intoxicating scent even more as her blood ran wild through her veins, feel the heat pulsing off her body. Then our lips finally met, she was stiff and scared at first, so I took that as my clue to take the lead. Placing my hands on the back of her neck and beginning to move my mouth against hers, but then something changed in her, as if this was something more than a curiosity, as if it meant more. She wrapped her arms around my waist pulling us closer together, soon she'd opened her lips just enough to let her tongue trace my bottom lip _'What is she doing? This isn't shy little Bella anymore' _I thought to myself and obliged her request, opening my mouth slightly letting my tongue peek out and slide over hers.

I was lost, in a good way of course all that filled my senses was Bella, her smell, her taste, her feel everything was just Bella, if this was as close as I could get to being with her for eternity, than I would gladly and greedily take it. _'Something is wrong stop NOW'_ My thoughts interrupted once more allowing me to actually be momentarily stunned when Bella sat on the couch and pull me onto her lap, straddling her as she moaned into my mouth and our tongues continued to dance, I felt like I was being pulled into fog and I had no intention of trying to get out of.

She had moved from my lips to my neck leaving an inferno wherever her lips met my skin, I groaned happily allowing her more room by tilting my head back giving her access to my collarbone. I gripped at the back of the couch for support afraid that I wouldn't be able to contain my strength while I was battling to keep my emotions from taking over and turning this into more than what it already is, making out with Bella on her couch.

Then she stopped. Bella had frozen underneath me pulling away with a regretful and hurt look etched on her beautiful face.

"Bella?" I called softly as I got up from her lap.

"I shouldn't have asked you to do that" she said looking at the floor.

"I told you it's fine, our secret remember"

"It's not fine, it was amazing, mind blowing even. But I shouldn't have asked you to do it"

"Why not, whats wrong Bella?"

_'Did she feel what I felt so long ago? That would be the only logical reason why she is acting like this'_

"Would you stop asking me that! No nothing is fine, everything I've known since I met all of you I can destroy and not just by leaving Edward, because of why I'm leaving him!" she screamed at me, causing me to jump a little. I had never seen her so mad, let alone mad at herself.

"Bella I don't understand" I said trying in vain to reach out to her, just to have her once again pull away from me.

"You want to understand do you Alice?" she said darkly

"Yes it would be nice"

"I fell out of love with Edward because I fell in love with you!"

I stood there at a total loss for words, _she is in love with me_, I was never "Seeing impossibilities" or having "Flawed visions", it had been possible all along and I had no clue. I must have looked the part of a complete fool standing there with my mouth opening and closing until Bella spoke again.

"Wanting someone I can't have" that made something in me snap, I crossed the room before she could say one more word, pulled her off the floor and kissed her with everything I had in me, when I finally pulled back it was her turn to be stunned.

"Not true, you could have had me all along" I confessed, the feelings I had buried so long ago crashed into me, buried in order for Edward to be happy. Her face had soon gone from shock to remorse, _'Jazz and Edward'_ I knew she would think of them eventually.

"Don't worry Bella, this is our little secret remember and Jazz is full of surprises, don't underestimate him"

_'Edward pulled into the Swans driveway, a furious look taking over his face as he heard my thoughts _"ALICE!"_ he half yelled half growled, no doubt hearing and seeing the conversation Bella and I had moments ago._

"I have to go, Edward will be here soon and if I don't leave now he will hear everything in my thoughts " she acknowledged me with a nod and I went for the door, every muscle in my body fighting me all the way to my car. My every thought screaming at me not to leave Bella in there, wanting nothing more than to go back hold her, tell her that it would be okay, maybe that there was even a little hope for us to be.

_'Tell her that I love her'_

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**That was the longest and easiest chapter I've done so far, and my first try at putting detail into a kiss so tell me if you'd rather shoot me or buy me a car. Review you know you like to ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I forgot to say that the last chapter was in Alice's POV. Back to Bella here, I will may switch occasionally for variety though. This chap took a bit longer, it tried to beat me stupid but I win (Insert evil laughter). **

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight**

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__'You can do this, he can't hear your thoughts it will be fine'_

That is the useless mantra I keep repeating in my head, hundreds of times that I've told myself that, it still doesn't help. And the fact that for no reason other than to keep Edward from Alice's mind, she is here. In my room. With me. Alone, granted she is only doing my hair and make-up, but it still doesn't stop me from being painfully aware of her presence, bringing every memory of our kiss back in vivid detail, each time I felt like it was happening all over again. And despite the fact that it hurts like hell knowing that I will never get the chance to do it again _'Or call Alice yours'_, I will never forget or regret it, I had her for those moments and that would have to be enough.

"Bella calm down, I'm the one that needs to be worried, I'm the one he can read not you. And I've had fifty six years to practice blocking my thoughts" Alice comforted, I didn't acknowledge her though, something was bound to go wrong I just knew it. Between a mind reader and an empath someone would sense something.

"All done, and stop worrying Bella if anything happens it will be my fault and mine only" she said reassuring me once more, no it would be my fault I am the one that fell in love with her. I was the one that made up a lame excuse just to kiss her. I let my errant feelings take control of my actions and ended up making out with her in the living room. My selfishness that wanted more when I had it all.

Alice huffed loudly and rolled her eyes before settling them on me an angered look adorning her face.

"Bella stop NOW. Just because no one can read your mind doesn't mean I know exactly what you are thinking! You are not selfish, as I told you yesterday you can't control what you feel, you are human. You love, you hurt, you get angry, sad, happy and they can all change as fast as I could say.... Cookie! " she sighed after that walking over to the window and taking a few breaths to calm herself.

"Bella you can be a fool sometimes do you know that? Et vous ne savez pas combein je vous aime..." she said with a tormented laugh. Now it's my turn to wonder what's wrong with her, she looked so sad for that one moment when she finished talking, what did she say?

"We should get going" I said dismissively, having enough of this subject for one day I could worry about it after the party, a small smirk found it's way onto my face as thought of it. Maybe it won't be so bad, yes unfortunately I will be getting gifts and have unneeded attention, but I will be spending the evening with my second family that would make it worth while I suppose. In an awkward silence, on my part at least we headed out to my truck.

* * *

Alice stopped the truck in front of the house as Edward walked over opening my door "Happy birthday love" he said greeting me with a crooked smile and a kiss to my cheek. When we entered the house everything was pretty much the same, I figured for all the excitement Alice had about planning this, there would be some décor involved. I turned my head in the direction of the small vampire giving her a bewildered look, she simply winked in return and we continued to the living room.

"Oh" is also the shape my mouth was in when we entered the living room, silver balloon's floated near the ceiling, streamers lined the walls and "No offense but I'm human not a bull, I can't possibly eat all that food. Unless you give me two or three months" I said jokingly when I saw the table holding what could come very close to being a ton of food, most of it was the 3 tier cake. Their presents were there too, once you saw past the food. Alice giggled before dashing up the stairs "Is she changing her clothes for a party in her own house?" I unintentionally thought out loud, not knowing until Alice shouted to me from upstairs.

"Yes I am Bella, yes I am" she stated proudly

"Haven't you learned Bella, boys will be boys. And Alice will be Alice" Edward said his humor not quite matching the look on his face, _'Nothing is wrong, he always acts like he's bipolar'_

"Happy birthday dear, glad to see Alice's planning didn't scare you off" Esme said from behind as she reached the bottom of the stairs Carlisle not far behind chuckling lightly at his wife's comment, Emmett and Rosalie followed soon after.

"Bella! How's my favorite unbalanced human, happy birthday!" he bellowed lifting me off my feet wrapping me in an Emmett hug, I can't call them bear hugs anymore somehow I think a grizzly would go easy on me, Em however..

"Can't breath" I choked out, dots forming in my vision from the lack of oxygen. He put me back on the ground grinning from ear to ear looking like a kid in a candy store "Fine, fine love ya sis" he said sheepishly.

"Bella" Rose greeted a slight smirk gracing her features, one of the rare times when she smiled or rare times that I have actually seen her smile even a little. Times like that are when I actually believe that she doesn't hate me, yes I know I shouldn't bet against Alice, but with no evidence to the contrary it's all I can believe.

Speak of the pixie and she shall appear, with Jasper alongside her "Hello Bella, happy.... Never mind I actually feel slightly scared, therefore I think it's best I don't finish that" he offered in his southern accent , shaking my hand his smile making a guest appearance as well, I have never seen him smile to tell the truth, he always looked like he was suffering from a severe, torturous pain.

"So Bella.. What do you think? Too much too little, tellmetellmetellme!" Ah there's the energizer vampire again, once again appearing to vibrate in her place while clapping her hands rapidly, smiling widely her golden orbs shining with hope. How could I say I didn't like everything, it was perfect _'Just like her'. _Hey wait, where did that come from? I can't even enjoy time with her family without my feelings intruding now!? I already have to deal with the fact that she will never be mine, I try to bury it for one measly night and I can't, and that my relationship with her brother is all but over because I am in love with her. _'Shit Jasper's here, control yourself!'_

"It's great thank you Alice" I said quickly listening to myself, hoping Jasper didn't notice my non-platonic emotions towards his wife or my remorse about what I will do to Edward. Chancing a quick glance at him it looked as if he noticed nothing but I would never know unless I asked him, which I clearly don't plan on doing.

"Now that Alice is happy that you are happy, I think we can give Bella her gifts" Carlisle added happily, glad to see his family celebrating something for the first time in no doubt a very long time. He and Esme decided to be first.

"I hope you enjoy these Bella, maybe you could even take Edward if you time it right" Esme said giving me an envelope, with two tickets to Florida. "Thank you Esme, and I think with a little help from the Doppler over there we could sneak Edward in" I told her smiling brightly, leave it to Esme and Carlisle to think of something practical that I wouldn't mind.

"You are very welcome Bella, but we do have one more gift for you" Carlisle said retrieving a Blue velvet box from a drawer and handing it to me. I opened it to find a silver necklace with a charm in the middle. I know that charm a Lion, a Hand and three Shamrocks placed in a row on a single Chevron. My eyes snapped up to see the Cullen's beaming at my surprise, I looked around to make sure it was what I think it is Alice's choker, Rosalie's pendant, Carlisle and Esme's rings, The boys' wristbands. They had given me my own Cullen family crest, tear's began to well up in my eyes as it settled in my thoughts, I looked at each of them and back to the necklace a sob escaping me, with all the things I have in my mind this put every last one of them on hold.

"Now Bella there will be none of that, we have told you countless times you _are_ a part of this family no matter what, whether you are human or vampire. _Nothing _you could ever do will change that _Nothing_, do you hear me?" Esme said in my ear while hugging me, I nodded and Alice took the box from my hands as I let go of her mother and placing it around my neck as Edward held my hair up. I placed my fingers over it as if it would disappear if I didn't, looking back to Carlisle and Esme.

"Thank you, beyond that I am speechless right now" I said my voice flooded with emotion.

"Yea Bella's one of us now!" Emmett cheered pumping his fists in the air.

"Glad I can call you family now Bella" Jasper stated his smile growing from before.

"Welcome Bella" Rosalie said kindly.

After I had reigned my emotions back in we got on with the presents. Emmett was holding his large grin in place once more as I opened the gift that he and Rosalie had gotten for me, only to find an empty box?

"It's already installed" she said looking at her husband like he was possessed by a five year old with a sugar rush. "It's a radio for your truck, couldn't let you keep listening to the rain in that gorilla everywhere you went now could we?" he happily blurted out.

"Hey it's an antique, and thank you" I responded defending my faithful old Chevy that prevents me from getting tickets, because it's speed limit is the speed limit.

"Now I remember you saying something about me in specific not buying you anything, but you never said anything about making it" Damn it why is he so clever? He had made me CD's, probably out of his own compositions, so thoughtful.

"Thank you Edward" I said reaching up to kiss his cheek and realizing who was next.

"Alice should I be scared?" I asked playfully though I really meant it. "Oh Bella it's not even that big" she teased, at least I hope she's teasing me. She picked up a velvet box smaller than the one that held the necklace and I breathed a sigh of semi-relief.

"I should be offended right now" she huffed jokingly.

"Well.." I said slowly as I opened it, a tennis bracelet covered in sapphires and diamonds lay inside, I had to give her credit it's not over the top as I had expected. I looked to her, a faux pout playing across her face but I could still see the corner of her mouth twitching.

"Thank you Alice" and with that a rock hard small person collided with me giggling and bouncing us around, I was becoming afraid to eat any cake after this for fear that my stomach would still be shaken.

"Alice stop imagining such _things_" Edward growled to her in warning.

She stiffened and released me mouthing "I'm sorry" and returned to Jasper's side, and Edward to mine taking hold of my hand and glaring daggers at Alice. _'Oh no, please no, not here, not now!'_ I thought in a panic, a night they wanted to celebrate I have just ruined, they wanted to celebrate _me_! And I've just obliterated everything. Edward started to shake and growl beside me, I looked at Jasper and his smile was gone, his face showed only the pain of betrayal as he looked between Alice and I. They had just told me I am a part of their family forever, what if there is no family after this?

_'She slipped he saw, he feels what you now feel for her and not him. What have I done?'_

Edwards anger had grown intensely in seconds, his eyes were now black, his growls getting louder and louder. The rest of the Cullen's stood on alert, completely unaware of what was causing this but ready to keep order if necessary.

"How could you?" Edward asked in a whimper filled with sadness and rage.

"Edward I..I'm" I began unable to find the will to form a sentence, his grip tightened painfully on my hand but I had managed to remove it from him...

"BELLA MOVE!" Alice screamed, not fast enough though. Edward had thrown me against the wall by my neck and was mumbling things so low and fast that only a vampire could understand it, my limbs were flailing around trying and failing at wiggling me free, but succeeding at making the air leave my lungs faster as I saw dots in my vision again, only this time they would not make way for laughter. Jasper and Carlisle finally had been able to pull him off of me and restrain him and attempt to calm him as he continued to growl and struggle to break free.

I lay on the floor grasping at my throat, tears sliding down my face, taking in as much air as possible until I felt I could stand again and with the assist of a greatly confused Emmett I did, the second I was on my feet I focused every ounce of energy I had in me on getting to my truck.

Esme turned to me briefly, concern for her son and my safety strewn all over her face "Bella I think you should go home" she said while turning back to him, by the time she turned around I was gone.

* * *

By the time I had gotten home bruises were starting to form on my neck, I held my jacket over them praying that Charlie had fallen asleep in his chair again so I wouldn't have to explain my distressed appearance or why I am not so suspiciously hiding my neck.

"Hey Bells, have a good time?" he shouted

"Yea, I don't feel too good right now though, I'm going up to my room" I said grateful that my voice didn't crack, he grunted as a reply and I rushed up the stairs closing my door behind me once I reached the sanctuary of my room, all the power I had in me left then. Falling to my knees, murmuring things like "Why?" or "How did I let this happen" between sobs, soon I ended up curled into a ball shaking uncontrollably somehow still aware that Charlie was downstairs and keeping myself quiet, eventually falling to sleep in my spot.

_I stood in a forest, tall trees in the air and moss at my feet, it was dark, raining and Edward stood across from me his face holding no emotion, he looked through me like I wasn't there to him._

"_We are leaving Bella, you will never hear from, see or be near us again" he said_

"_How, what, leaving? Carlisle and Esme gave me.." I sputtered_

"_You think after what you have done they still consider you part of their family? You are nothing to us now, we risked our lives for you and this is how you repay us? You're lucky I am not draining you of every last drop of your blood right now, but I won't because I would never taint myself with your blood now, it wouldn't be worth the trouble. And how could you ever imagine Alice would feel the same? Never mind, have a nice life Bella, assuming I ever die. See you in hell" he spat, every word dripping with resentment._

_I stood in shock, guilt and grief taking over me, my mind becoming a broken record _'They are leaving, it's your fault' _is all I heard as I looked up to find that Edward had left._

_**Knock**_

_**Knock, knock**_

I jolted awake at the sound coming from the window, feeling a small puddle beneath my hand and realizing I continued crying as I slept. Standing up and making myself semi presentable I glanced to my window.

Alice.

Instantly felt somewhat better about the situation, she could make anything seem possible without even trying, if she is here maybe that means it will all be okay.

"Hi Bella, come outside with me please?" Alice asked flashing a small smile at me.

"Sure I'll meet you on the porch" I told her before turning on my heel picked my jacket up off of the floor and exiting my room checking to make sure Charlie was asleep, yup, I went down the steps as fast as I could without tripping, opening the door to see Alice _and_ Jasper on the other side.

"Don't worry Bella" she said sensing my apprehension. I closed the door behind me walking out into the frigid night air and nervously towards Jasper. The one person besides me that knew how deep my feelings for Alice really were, that alone made me terribly uneasy, no matter if Alice said I shouldn't be worried.

"First of all Bella, I am sorry that I let Edward see, I feel like I let you down" she said clearly disappointed with herself, then looking to Jasper.

"Secondly Bella stop blaming yourself. As Alice says she told you and I will reiterate now, under no circumstance can you control what your heart feels, ever. Stop feeling guilty for what you no longer feel for Edward and stop feeling shame for what you now feel for Alice." Jasper only seemed angry at me only for me being angry with myself.

"And lastly Bella. I will never hold what you feel against you, none of us would. Carlisle and Esme gave you that necklace for a reason and every word Esme told you is true, you are family to us no matter what" he said his eyes boring into mine telling me everything he just said was undeniably true.

"Thanks Jazz" Alice said turning to hug him before he zoomed off into the woods.

"Now are you done with all this self pity?" she asked "Yes I think you would be glad to stop having to deal with it anyway" I joked actually feeling somewhat better despite everything that's happened tonight. I turned back towards the house with a yawn "Alice can we talk? About yesterday I mean" I said looking over my shoulder to see that she was as I thought following behind me.

"If you wish, but lets get you into some pajamas first okay, we talk, you sleep deal?" I nodded and we went back into the house.

* * *

"What did you mean when you said I could have had you all along?" I began looking at Alice as we sat cross legged on my bed, her at the end and I rested against the headboard.

"That I feel something more than friendship for you as well" my jaw fell open when she finished that.

"You are not a fly trap, close your mouth and I will elaborate" Alice said her laugh filling the air, I closed my mouth feigning anger but failing and allowing her to continue.

"It was before you arrived in Forks of course, I had gone to hunt and got a vision, of us, as in us as a couple, do you remember the day Edward showed you what happens when we are in the sun?" I nodded quickly

"It was the same only as I said it was you and me, you looked at me amazed at how my skin was sparkling as if I was covered in diamonds just as you did with him, you ran your hand over my face just as you did with him, but unlike you and Edward, we kissed. After that I was torn, between you and Jazz of course, on one hand I have been with him for nearly 60 years and I hadn't even met you yet. In that vision we looked at each other the same as you and Edward once did, we were in love.

I put it in the back of my mind for months until the day you and Edward had planned to go to the meadow that weekend, that was the day I had begged for an off switch as he played with ideas to show you, when I finally saw the vision of the two of you in the meadow, it came back that day and he saw it. I realized that I should listen to my own advice and not bet against myself and ended up in a mental war with Edward so to speak, obviously I lost though I prefer to say yielded, so that he could be happy with you and I would stay with Jasper" Alice was.. She saw.. I couldn't form a coherent thought if I had a gun to my head at this point, she had seen us in love but gave it all up for Edwards happiness. Guess that was for nothing, he can't be very happy right now.

I looked at her astonished at her admission "You really felt all of that just from a vision?" I asked, then yawned once more.

"Yes, now time for you to sleep little human" she said sliding off the bed and taking a seat in my desk chair.

"Alice this is definitely weird for me to ask considering the past two days, but throwing caution to the wind. Hold me?" I asked feeling pints of blood rush to my face immediately.

"No problem Bella" Alice chirped happily getting up from her seat and sliding in behind me.

"Sleep Bella" she said pressing a kiss into my hair.

"Alice I.." _Love you_

* * *

**Happy new year all, hope 2010 is great for everyone :)**

**BTW "Et vous ne savez pas combein je vous aime" = And you don't know how much I truly love you in French**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello awsome people that read this, sorry I took a little longer than I said I would to update. But that evil test known as the SAT is 16 days away for me and I'm doing some last minute prep, so I may be a little longer between updates until after I take it :(**

**It's 2:34am and Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight, I will now go to sleep depressed.**

* * *

"You're still here" was I stating the obvious? Yes. Did I expect Alice to still be here when I woke up? No. I figured she'd have to tend to her family at some point, did they have an explanation for last nights, 'events' yet? Edward is likely mulling around the forest somewhere and he was to enraged to explain anything. And Jasper, well Alice was right I shouldn't have underestimated him. Out of all the things he could have done or said, he was frustrated with me when he should've been completely furious! I admitted to falling in love with her, hell I somehow convinced her to kiss me, and the only problem he has is that I was ashamed of it? I would be an unappreciative moron if I still was, he very well could have chosen to rip my head of rather than help stop Edward from strangling me on the wall.

"You were expecting me to leave?" Alice questioned as I stirred _'Whoops' _I said mentally upon realizing I had used her chest as a pseudo pillow, my thoughts drifted back to last night briefly _"That I feel something more than friendship for you as well". _When this was all over, if everything turned out well after this. Would she act on those feelings or rebuild what she had, or has with Jasper? I am beyond sure that Edward and I are finished, only now can I see everything that was wrong with our relationship, everything that I blindly dismissed but continued to allow all of it to cast doubt in my head about what he and I had. Yet I never said a word to him, I just kept going on blind faith that it would work itself out, that we would evolve I suppose. Now I see that I was hideously wrong, in his mind every object, person and animal known to man was now lethal to me because I was near vampires. How did I let it go on so long without realizing this? That I had no say, no right to decide my own life, no freedom almost. He had to know everything I did, everywhere I was, I was to be treated like a newborn child not a 17 year old young woman.

"Kind of, I thought that you would have to go home eventually to tell everyone what or rather why what happened last night happened" I said as I sat on the edge of the bed stretching and feeling the pain in my neck from the bruises.

"No Jazz explained when he got home, they're all shocked but they I think they understand. Unlike me they remember what it's like to be human and know your emotions can change at the drop of a dime, remember Bella emotions are different for us. We can very easily live until the end of time, our emotional ties to those we love are more permanent than yours, once we find our mate we are with them forever, there are times when mates part ways but it is _extremely_ rare. So obviously Edward is going to have a hard time accepting that you no longer love him" she told me while placing her palms against my neck, her chilled skin soothing the pain, Alice sighed distantly observing the marks undoubtedly in the shape of a hand "You need to stay home today".

"And how am I going to explain that?" I inquired trying in vain to move without pain, she was right I can barely move my neck without cringing so even if I managed to hide the marks, I wouldn't be able to hide acting like I was in a neck brace without actually being in one. "You're right" I quietly agreed and closed my eyes allowing my muscles to relax if only for a moment. Alice knew how easily she could hurt me just as much as Edward did, she'd said my scent could be tempting at times, but it was never her way or no way. She let me choose and should danger become a problem, despite her size or lack there of, she could and would protect me. Still Edward shouldn't have found out that way regardless of whether I planned on ending things with him or not, I let emotion guide me at the wrong time and that is solely my fault. When he comes back I have every intent of making sure he knows I never meant to hurt him.

Breaking out of my thoughts I stood minding my neck and not stretching again, realizing I will be in turtlenecks for some time and huffing loudly at the thought. I knew that after today I would be able to move it without problem, but the purple and black marks would remain and get worse over time until they were gone. I looked back at Alice still sitting on my bed, knees pulled to her chest resting her head on them as she gazed out the window.

"I know you said you think they understand, but will everything be okay after this?" I knew there was no harm in asking, I felt like I needed some sort of reassurance as selfish as it sounds and with all that Esme said and Jasper later reenforced, I seems hard for me to believe that no damage was done.

"Yes, we've been through trying times before and come out the other side together. I'd like to think that this is no different, except that you will be joining us" she said her eyes full of confidence in her family, absentmindedly I reached up to my necklace and looked at it a smile finding it's way onto my face for the first time in hours as her words registered. For what seemed like the millionth time since I'd met them, I felt it would take no less than a nuclear bomb to tear the Cullen's apart.

"Thanks Alice..." my stomach growled "I'm hungry" I said laughing, she joined momentarily before sliding off my bed and gesturing for me to follow her. I pointed to my teeth "Human moment" she nodded and disappeared down the stairs. As I brushed my teeth I thought about Jake, I haven't been to see him lately. I could go this weekend...

"Bella? Bella? NO!" Alice screamed from the kitchen, I hurriedly rinsed my mouth and rushed downstairs to see what the deal was. Tripping on the last step but managing to catch myself on the wall I turned into the kitchen and Alice was on the floor her fists balled up, rocking back and forth, looking as if she should be crying. I knelt beside her putting one hand on her chin making her face me and the other on her back moving in a circle, attempting to comfort her.

"Alice whats wrong? I'm right here! Alice!?" I called frantically, her eyes were distant she was having a vision, of what? What did she see that made her look so vulnerable, I have never seen her like this and frankly it's scaring that shit out of me. She came out of it and looked back at me completely frightened of whatever she saw.

"What did you just decide to do?" she asked her voice cracking mid way through.

"I don't know, I just thought about Jacob and how I haven't seen him in a while and decided to go see him sometime this weekend. Alice what did you see?" I answered and asked immensely confused at her sudden fear of whatever she'd seen.

"I-- You were in your truck, you drove to La Push and then it all went black! Your future disappeared" she paused her face becoming thoughtful "Jacob? As in Jacob Black?" Alice asked and I nodded, what could he possibly have to do with my future disappearing? I looked at Alice her face now set in an almost hateful sneer "Damned mutts" she muttered but I don't think she meant for me to hear it "What? Mutts? Alice what are you talking about" I looked at her becoming quickly frustrated with being in the dark both literally and figuratively.

"You already know and I'm afraid it's not my place to tell you anyway" Alice huffed angrily, I already know? What The Hell?

I stood back up pulling at Alice's hand telling her to come with me and sat down at the table "What does any of that have to do with me having no future?" her eyes became unfocused again and I waited in irritation for my answer, it is my future after all.

"It's fine never mind, do you like oatmeal?" she stood and walked over to the pantry and I sighed, she seemed better now, agitated but better and I had enough to think about so I gave it up "Yea, oatmeal is fine"

* * *

The rest of the day went by in a blur, Alice left about an hour after I ate, looking distressed about something but said it was nothing. I occupied myself with chores, yesterdays homework and cooking dinner for Charlie. How would he take this? I ran off to Phoenix, unknown to him I nearly died, came back with a broken leg and led him to believe it was over something that Edward did or said, yet I stayed with him. I would hazard a guess and say he wouldn't be happy about it, I had gone through a lot with Edward, a lot that Charlie wasn't pleased with and now months later it would seem like it was all for nothing. I stood as the food had finished cooking taking some for me and putting Charlies in the microwave, took my seat back at the table and ate in silence. Until someone knocked on the back door, standing I reached the door within a couple of seconds and pulled back the curtain revealing a nest of Bronze hair and a pair of golden eyes.

"Edward" I spoke in pure shock and opened the door motioning for him to come in, which he did walking over and leaning against the counter. I had spent the better part of the day readying myself for this, steeling my nerves, telling to myself that I could do it, what a waste of time it is has turned out to be. The air between us felt thick, almost like in a moments notice it would all go whooshing out the door and make it even harder for me to explain, I can't even think straight and the last thing I need is to be out of breath without saying 2 words to him.

I took several deep breaths to calm my nerves, and failed horrifically. I looked at him, he had no visible emotion, his features were numb almost. No anger, hate, sadness or disappointment, just nothing. After another minute I had finally remembered how my mouth worked.

"Look before you say anything, I just want to say that I am beyond sorry if I hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen, and I made a stupid decision to do what I did with Alice while I am still with you, and do not blame her. She had no idea, I decided at the very last second and I think whatever she saw was clearly different than what happened. This is my fault and mine only, and for that I apologize" I told him genuinely, surprised at myself for being able to speak clearly the whole time.

"I understand, take a walk with me?" he asked his face still showing any sign of what he was thinking or feeling, I nodded and went to the closet retrieving my jacket and keys. I left a note on the table telling Charlie where I was and left locking the door behind me, he led us down the path behind the house until we had gone at least a mile from the house.

"Bella I did not know that my actions were hurting you in any way, I was simply trying to protect you. I am sorry that you felt suffocated, I realize that I may have been overzealous at times and I too apologize for my part in this. As for what happened with Alice, I am still processing that if you will. But I have no intentions on blaming either of you" he said.

"That said, what happened last night will never happen again. You have my word. It is also part of the reason that we are leaving. I cannot pretend anymore, I cannot allow you stay in constant danger because of our presence. I will not have you die because I lost control like that again, I will make this as easy as possible for you. Soon you will forget me, move on and live a healthy _human_ life, it will be as if I never existed. Just promise me that you will not do anything stupid, I will always love you... Goodbye"

No...He, they.... can't.

"EDWARD!" I screamed as loud as I could when he disappeared from my sight, I ran after him knowing fully that I would never catch him eventually giving up, soon realizing that I had run so far into the forest that I didn't know where I was. It started to rain and I took shelter under a hollowed tree curling into a tight ball, sobbing uncontrollably, convulsing from the cold. Rage quickly filled me as I recalled all that they had told me last night, how do you say things like that and just leave! Family is supposed to fight for each other, stay together through hell and back, yet they are waving the white flag at the first problem! I tore the necklace off violently tossing it into the night hoping to never see it again all it stood for seeming nothing more than a lie now, my sobs becoming a mixture of despair and rage, the reality that my so called second family had abandoned me crashing over me as I fell into a tormented slumber on the forest floor.

* * *

Hours later I felt my weight being pulled off of the ground, I opened my eyes far enough to see who had found me, a somewhat familiar face from La Push came into view. I've seen him a few times before Sam Uley I think. He seemed bigger, granted he is carrying me so I can't really tell. I shut my eyes once more, assuming he was part of a search party by the police radio I could hear in his pocket, fell into a half sleep waiting to arrive to wherever it was we were going.

Visions of the Cullen's flashed through my head as he continued to carry me, eventually he called out my fathers name followed by what sounded like Jake, Charlie and others shouting my name in relief. He brought me into the living room and set me down on the couch where Charlie had a Paramedic look me over, giving me the all clear and only telling me to get some food and into some warm clothes.

"Bells what happened? Wheres Edward, I called but none of the Cullen's answered. Why were you all the way out there, talk to me kid" Charlie asked as he knelt in front of me helping me sit up.

"Gone they're gone" I said blankly and it began to repeat in my mind.

"Gone what do you mean Bella?" he added his brow pulling together in confusion.

"They left, they're not coming back, they're gone" I repeated my voice becoming robotic.

"Not coming back, where could they have gone so fast Bells? What happened out there?"

"I don't know okay! I just know they're GONE, Dad GONE!" I yelled jumping to my feet, tripping up the stairs and slamming and locking my door, falling to the same spot I had when I got home from the party that ended it all. I went over to my dresser where Alice said she left my gifts this morning _'Gone'_, I pulled out my camera and every picture that had a Cullen in it was gone. He may have taken all of that, but that won't make it easy, he'd have to wipe every memory from my head one by one.

I lay there for what seemed like hours sobbing and screaming, Charlie knocking on the door panicked asking what happened, stopping after a while though I could still see his feet outside the door. I stood going over to my dresser and finding my pajamas, unlocked the door and was greeted by Dad sitting on the floor looking up at me his expression lost.

"I'm going to take a shower" I spoke in a dead voice "Bella please just tell me whats going on, I come home and there's a note saying you went for a walk with Edward, you don't come back, Sam finds you in the forest, get home and all you can say is that 'They're gone' and lock yourself in your room crying and screaming. I want to help but I need to know what happened first" He said worriedly

"I-- I can't right now Dad, just please don't ask" I pleaded, I just want to shower and sleep, maybe wake up and this will have all been a nightmare. He nodded reluctantly and went back downstairs.

Locking the door behind me, I pulled off my muddy clothing and tossed it to the tiled floor piece by piece, turning the knob to almost scolding hot and waited for the water to heat up. I stepped under the water my skin instantly turning red at the temperature, I washed myself quickly and stepped out wrapping a towel around my body and wiped the mirror off with my palm, studying my face, my eyes were red and swollen, the rest of my skin red from the shower. Hastily I brushed my hair and put my pajamas on picking my clothes up from the floor and put them in the hamper in the hall.

I shut my window forcefully and closed the curtains, tears still wanting to spill over but I refused to let them. I landed on my bed and buried my face into my pillow, misery taking me over as I smelled her scent. The last Cullen to act as my vampire pillow, the one that I am hopelessly in love with. A blood curdling scream came from my lungs, my insides felt like they were being pulled out and I clutched at my upper body desperately trying to hold myself together, dread engulfing me as I soon realized that she was gone too.

"ALICE!"

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**That was hard.... Review please, I have cake :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**This is Alice's POV again..**

**SM owns Twilight**

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Wrath coursed through me as I ran almost like blood would have been long ago, how could they be so blind? When I left Bella this morning she had asked if something was wrong and I dismissed it hoping I could make them see that leaving won't help, it _will_ destroy her inside and out. I showed Edward the visions that came shortly before I arrived to the family meeting he requested, showing him what would become of Bella if we left, her will to live gone replaced by complete hopelessness, her ambition lost, only doing what she needed to get by. My anger peaked when the vision of Edward telling Bella we were leaving entered my mind once more, I managed to cut it off every time he zipped away like a coward wounded because of his lost love, and not wanting to see her as I did in my final vision of her lying on the floor in her room screaming so loudly I thought she wouldn't be able to speak, crying almost endlessly. He would get no pity from me. Despite the hate I feel toward Edward, I will respect Carlisle's wishes and let her at least try to lead a human life but I am _not _leaving her behind as they are. Not with Victoria preying on her, not after seeing her become nothing more than a shell with a pulse in my visions.

I continued to run coming close the where it seemed Bella had taken shelter last night, I slowed for a moment when a small piece of silver standing out from the moss covered ground below my feet caught my attention and I knew exactly what it was before I even picked it up. Bella's necklace. Remorse shot through my being, me knowing that I am a part of the pain and anger that fills Bella now. I put it in my pocket making a mental note to take it back to the house and leave it in the jewelery box that Esme had left mine in. Maybe someday we would wear them again, however unlikely it may seem at the present moment and took off once more towards the La Push border trees passing me in a blur, the wildlife unaware of me, the smell of wet dogs growing heavier.

The only thing worse than the smell is the annoying fact that they block my visions somehow, which is making this even more frustrating than it already is, ever since I'd known of their existence I never expected or wanted the help of these _dogs,_ but as it is with the family already gone I have no choice I cannot hold off Victoria on my own without Bella knowing I am still here, an exasperated sigh escaped me _'A promise is a promise'_ I thought bitterly. I reached the invisible line between our lands climbing a nearby tree and waited, Allowing the so called meeting to replay again.

"_Our presence is a danger to her we must leave immediately" My fool of a brother said as I entered the house _

"_She is practically my daughter Edward I will not just up and leave her, she has proven that she trusts us to protect her. Mistakes happen and that's all that happened it is not enough in my opinion to warrant leaving" Esme said _

"_And no matter what has happened with her to this point, the vision is still there and hasn't changed. She will be one of us" I chimed taking my seat beside Jasper._

"_NO! She will not be damned! And you have no standing here this is _your_ fault, you could have simply ignored the visions and let us be! You ruined everything" Edward yelled hate filling his eyes._

"_You will not blame Alice for this and I am not blaming Bella, she had no clue about Bella's feeling towards her, she did nothing to steer Bella away from you and do not forget that I too have lost my mate" Jazz said in defense of both of us, and effectively shocking the entire room that did not know of our earlier conversation when parted ways as mates, but not friends._

"_The hell I won't she could have simply not let Bella kiss her and we would not be here, had Alice remembered the fact that Bella is MINE, and had you been able to control your wife you would still have a mate" he growled and I had enough, I stood from my seat hissing loudly at him._

"_She is not yours if she does not want to be, and you saw it! I said nothing of my feelings until after she told me of hers and don't you dare bring Jazz into this!" my fists clenching and unclenching my previous calm turning into unbridled fury that Jasper scrambled to calm, Edward stood then crouching to attack and I did as well._

"_Enough! Since either of you don't seem intent on remaining civil this conversation is over, and as for us leaving. Edward as much as I don't like this I agree with what you said in our discussion earlier, our ages are in question more and Bella should have a chance at a life without vampires, we will say our goodbyes and leave within the next two days" Carlisle ordered in an authoritative tone, my mouth dropping open in shock._

"_A clean break would be best I will tell her later tonight and we could leave for Denali tomorrow" Edward said triumphantly, this is not a victory! I opened my mind to let him see what this would do to her "Alice you have been wrong before, you are wrong again she will forget us and your misguided attempts at stealing her from me" he grinned smugly, I lunged for him only to smash into Jasper who calmed me once more._

"_If it comes to this then I am afraid my time here is through, I will not leave her unprotected from Victoria who is hunting her now by the way, but out of respect for Carlisle and everything he has done for me I will leave Bella alone to let her lead a life sans vampires and she will not know of my presence unless it's absolutely necessary" with that I removed the choker from my neck and placed it in Esme's hands hugging her and saying goodbye to the rest of the family minus Edward._

_I reached the door looking back once more at my now former family disappointment reigning supreme over my emotions, I did not want to leave but this was all I could do. Edward is deserves nothing less than being torn limb by limb for this, he claims to love her so much and says he would do everything in his power not to hurt her so one would assume that if there is even a remote chance that would be exactly what happens, he wouldn't do it. I drew in an un-necessary breath and walked out of the door a cold hand stopping me before I could dash into the woods._

"_Stay away from her Alice" Edward warned, I snatched my arm free laughing almost manically _

"_I will do as I see fit, be grateful that I have enough respect for Carlisle not to go to her right now. However I cannot say the same for you so I would suggest that you back away before I rip your arm off and let the wolves use it for a chew toy"_

Back in the present I made a mental note to visit Mr. Jenk's to have new documents made to identify me as Alice Marie Brandon and to find suitable living arrangements in Port Townsend about 100 miles to the east of Forks with identical weather, the population is larger but I can manage. Esme insisted I take enough money to get settled and buy myself a car. I could tell she was hurting so I did not refuse, she is leaving two of her daughters behind and from the looks of it does not like it at all, but I suppose it's better than losing her entire family. Maybe she is viewing things with optimism, maybe she has hope that her family will be whole again someday.

The sound of oversized paws thudding in the distance became louder until there were three wolves below me snarling, I jumped down landing on my feet easily and leaned against a tree holding my arms up.

"I'm not going to cross the line so stop with the growling already" I said looking directly at the one in the middle, the pack alpha Sam Uley. He went behind a tree and phased returning to his spot between his puppies.

"What do you want _leech? _And where have the rest of you gone" he questioned

"They've left, taking a bad piece of advice from Edward. As for why I am here, I don't like it as much as you and this is very hard for me to ask, but I need your help. You may know of the tracker that tried to kill Bella several months ago that we destroyed in Phoenix, his mate has returned seeking vengeance for his death as she blames Bella because at the time she was Edwards mate. Since I am not allowed onto your land and due to an agreement I made with my former coven I am limited in ways to protect her from said vampire"

"Huh, and here I thought you just wanted us to end your miserable existence, do you forget that the treaty does not allow us into Forks? Unless you are willing to overlook that I'm afraid there is nothing I can do" I nodded quickly wanting this embarrassment to end as soon as possible

"Fine by me, I will not be residing in the immediate area due to this agreement though I will be around frequently, if you will excuse me I must go make my new living arrangements" I spoke pushing off of the tree ready to leave and have wolf free air.

"I can't believe I just agreed to help a bloodsucker... it seems we will be working together to a degree so how will we communicate?" he sighed

"I will meet you somewhere near the border every two days or so, I don't have any other means of communication at this moment" I answered turning on my heel to leave and broke into a run once more my destination the Cullen home, I did not allow myself time to pack clothes when I left, I needed some time to myself and had no wish to be near anyone. My decision to leave taking a toll on me as well as Carlisle's agreement to leave Bella whom he said on multiple occasions that he'd come to think of as his third daughter, which leads me to my current disheveled appearance, clothes wet and stained with dirt, my hair lacking it's usual 'I have just been electrocuted' look instead matted to my face from the rain and the speed of running.

I came close to the Swan's home for the second time today, the want to go to Bella consuming me again and I took in my surroundings. It was dark but I'm not sure of the time, the previous drenching rain becoming a drizzle. I began to walk at a human pace stopping when the lights came into view, finding a sturdy branch to stand on and remain unseen, I could not do this for long. Carlisle's wish for us to stay away would not last long, especially if she becomes as broken as I had seen her become, I would not stand by and watch her be destroyed. For now though I would do as I said and she will not know of my presence, I will simply stand by as much as it hurts to do so.

My thought immediately silenced themselves when my eyes landed on Bella's sleeping form, she did not look peaceful as I remembered from the previous night, her face was twisted in a mask of despair, she had thrown the sheets off the bed causing her to shiver as the cool air came through her window, old tears staining her pillow. I jumped from the branch and took off towards her, scaling the tree next to the window opening it far enough so I could fit in. I picked her comforter up from the floor placing it back over her and kissed her lightly on her forehead her features relaxing for a moment.

"I'm so sorry" I said quietly and exited, dashing into the forest an ear piercing scream stopping me dead in my tracks, quickly realizing it was Bella I climbed a tree once more and looked into her window. What I saw tore me apart inside.

She still looked like she was sleeping as she thrashed around pulling at anything she got her hands on, fresh tears pouring out as she screamed. Thankfully Charlie rushed into the room desperately trying to wake her and succeeding quickly, she continued to cry into his shoulder for several more minutes, he left her reluctantly once she seemed calm enough to go back to sleep. I stayed in that tree until she appeared to be sleeping as peacefully as she could manage, I jumped down and started towards my former home once more.

* * *

Upon entering I instantly registered that someone was still here though I can't tell because obviously everyone's scents still hang in the air, I let the image of Bella just minutes ago into my mind... Okay not Edward. Footsteps sounded from my _'and Jasper's' _former room sorrow quickly ripping through me when his name rang in my head. He had defended me, never even bringing up that Bella has all but taken my heart from him in the span of two days, and held nothing but understanding towards her. Though I guess it has been longer than that, my love for him has been fleeting since my vision of Bella with me and somewhere deep within other than the fact that he can feel and manipulate emotions, I think he knew. Which only stands to make me feel even worse about this, someone that loves another so intensely that they would let them go if it would make that person happier, that takes true love.

_'True love that I can no longer return'_, remorse radiated through me at that thought.

"Time heals all, well most wounds. But I will be okay so stop worrying yourself and you have more urgent matters at hand. Like a shower. And if you don't mind me asking, why do I smell Bella on you?" Jazz had appeared at the top of the stairs amidst my self loathing, noting my cavewoman-ish looks and probably smelling my meeting with the wolves. I giggled and looked at him my face falling again, no doubt looking like a lost child in K-Mart.

"I stopped by her house after I met with the wolves, she was sleeping so she didn't know I was there. But Jazz it's barely been a day and she looks so, so--- Hell I can't put it into words, and I don't know how I'm going to do this without going to her while she's awake next time!" I fell onto the couch with a thud throwing my head back against the pillows.

Jasper took the seat across from me "Why, I get the whole love part but what else?"

"As I said I met with the wolves to alter the treaty and ask for their help, Victoria's plans are sporadic at best so I can't see much of what she's is planning on doing much less track her and keep her away from Bella, combine that with the fact that she is not bound by a treaty and I am. It all becomes too much for me to do without Bella finding out that I am still here, I find myself wanting to rip Carlisle's hand off and slap him with it very often now, and I don't know what you plan on doing but you may want to know that the wolves are allowed into Forks now" I paused and sat up removing Bella's necklace from my pocket and took a deep breath before continuing.

"I was on my way here to get my clothes, take that shower you mentioned and leave this in Esme's jewelery box, when I got close to her house. I climbed a tree far enough off that she wouldn't see me if she was awake but close enough that I could see, it... She was so broken even as she slept, she had thrown her covers off with the window open freezing herself almost, she must have cried herself to sleep. I went in and covered her back up she looked peaceful for a moment before I left, but once I was back in the woods I heard the loudest most pained scream I have ever heard, almost like someone was changing. I realized it was her and jumped back into the tree looking on while she tore at anything her hands got a hold of, crying and screaming until Charlie woke her and she cried more until she calmed down and went back to sleep" he moved over pulling me against his side.

"I can't even begin to guess how hard that truly was for you, I am proud of you for considering Carlisle even though you have left us and understand that honoring his wishes will be difficult for you, but do not let it destroy either of you. If or rather when the time comes, go to her and may you both be happy I would look forward to buying the two of you anniversary gifts and helping her escape shopping trips" He said letting me go and darting back up the steps returning with a duffel bag.

"I am not sure where I am going, but as you did I need some time for myself. Should you need my help for anything I will keep my cell phone with me and the number will be the same" I stood and hugged him once more.

"Goodbye Jazz"

"I prefer see you later" he smiled placing a kiss to the top of my head and went out the door bolting off into the forest.

After I showered I gathered most of my belongings and made a call to Jenk's to arrange my new drivers license, birth certificate and all the other necessary documents to get on my feet, found a hotel in Port Townsend to stay in until I had a place to call home. A much less pressing thought crossing my mind as I left.

_'What kind of car do I want?'_


	7. Chapter 7

**Time travel is a pain to write... **

**SM owns Twilight and Lady Gaga owns the song that was amusing to imagine Bella singing...**

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Two days, two days of my life fluxing between a lifeless wasteland and a living hell. I can't remember when I wasn't a trembling mess on the floor waiting for an invisible force to rip me to shreds or I was on the human equivalent of auto-pilot, coasting by on fumes of my former self. By the time I had returned to school word had already spread of _their_ sudden departure and naturally me being the only one at Forks High that ever got past 'Hello' with them, everyone had asked me if I knew why and I just shrugged it off which started the whispers that mixed in with the whole 'Bella missing in the forest' fiasco, just ices the cake of our little rumor club.

_'Edward left her?"_

"_She like ran into the woods or something"_

"_I bet she's suicidal"_

"_All the Cullen's left, she must be schizo or some shit to run off a whole family like that. Glad I never asked her out"_

And then there were the all the stares, sideways glances and looks filled with pity that were directed at me. I just wanted to scream _'Leave me the fuck alone!'_ at every last one of them, I didn't want or need it with my current "condition" as Charlie had deemed it. There really must be no word to adequately describe my current state, everyone walks on eggshells around me afraid of whatever they think may send me spiraling, how he has not had me committed yet is far beyond me, what _he _did with all those presents and pictures did help some but quell or even make it bearable, not by a long shot. They both lingered everywhere, mostly _her_ though. In all my now sleepless nights I had come to realize that just being around _her _was so freeing and that I had spent much more time with the enthralling pixie than I had noticed before, maybe that's why most of this crater that formed within me could only be filled by _her_, but could it ever truly be full? In the small amount of chance that I had hoped or imagined would she come back for me, would she love me as her visions showed, would I be able to find some semblance of friendship with _him_?

_Faces came and went, memories flash and fade, emotions twisting and pulling me in different directions as they do always with the same endpoint, indescribable, agonizing, pure pain. They're gone now accept it._

_**October **_

_**November**_

_**December **_

Jacob. Jake is here, he doesn't make it go away but he makes it tolerable I can breathe again when he's near. As long as theystay in the recesses of my thoughts I can almost live again, they will be there forever I know that very well, haunting me in their own way. But maybe just maybe with Jake's help I can learn to manage I could live with the ache that he turns it into, it's better than crippling pain at every turn.

"Hello Bells you in there? ET phone home but get no answer, helloooo" he called poking his head out from behind one of the bikes, I shook my head and looked at him.

"I was just in my own world sorry, whats up?"

"It's the good one right?" Jake's face scrunched up in concern, I nodded quickly and changed the subject.

"When are these puppies gonna be ready to go?"

"Actually..." he paused breaking into toothy grin "They're ready now, if you want we could load em' into the truck and take them for a test run"

"Great lets go" I stood walking over to help wheel them outside while he did the heavy lifting "Jacob Black have you been inhaling steroids? I thought you had a growth spurt but jeez you're like... Bam!' he chuckled and picked the other bike up putting it in the truck bed laying it against the other "Hey we males tend to mature quickly" he laughed and I joined as we climbed into the cab the engine starting with a powerful roar headed to the old airstrip a few miles away. Our banter continued throughout the ride our chuckles and laughs filling the air.

"Um Bella can I ask you something?" Jake asked his playfulness flying out the unopened window as the bare strip of land came into view.

"Of course"

"After 'They who shall not be named' left, I overheard our dads talking and Charlie mentioned something about you not exactly missing the one we thought you'd be missing, feel free to kick me in the unmentionables if I'm crossing a line here but it hurts to hear what happened to you, hearing that you barely slept anymore, you just screamed and cried it sounded like you were catatonic or something, like pain was the only thing you felt that you could or would pay attention to"

No, no NO! Stay back I'm not losing all that Jake has helped me get back of my life. But I can't stop it from pouring back I stopped the truck pulling my knees up to my chest desperately trying to hold the tears and pained cries in, Jake noticed my distress and reached over to me pulling me against him as I started to sob.

"Way to go Black, your foot might as well be jammed down your throat" I heard him grumble chastising himself.

"It's fine Jake you just caught me way off guard, trust me this isn't as bad as it ever was and I owe you that, in other words I owe you whats left of my life because you've given me back what I had thought was long dead" I paused gathering my thoughts and emotions before launching into story mode.

"So I owe you this much, but bear with me I.. I can't even think their names though so this may be kind of confusing to hear. You knew how much of me I put into my relationship with erm... Lets call him John, I came to believe very fiercely that I would be with him for the rest of my life, but things started to fade. I had grown tired of his doubting certain _abilities_ of his, tired of dealing with his insecurities if you will and became increasingly aware of how much he ruled over my life in a way. I felt like bubble girl, then there was Jane. She gave me the freedom he didn't, she had the same _abilities_ that he did but she did not doubt herself she knew what she could and couldn't do, plus she was very perceptive. I felt so carefree around her, I didn't have to worry for both of us just me and I had little to no worries, all my worries were usually for John, I had to be hyper aware with him for us both." I pulled my knees tighter to me and wiped a stray tear from my cheek glancing at Jacob who was listening intently and took hold of my hand squeezing it lightly waiting for me to continue.

"Soon the reality hit me that I had fallen out of love with John... And fell in love with Jane, which is where things got very out of control very fast and not because she's a girl. She was borderline married and though I had planned on leaving John I didn't have the chance to do it yet, then I kissed her. Keep in mind all of this happened over two days, anyway I kissed her and told her everything, to my total surprise she basically felt the same about me but buried it for John's sake. Once she had told me that her 'Husband' was more understanding than I gave him credit for we chose to remain silent about it indefinitely. Fast forward to my Birthday party that Jane had thrown and she accidentally slipped and John figured it out, He threw me into a wall choking me with one hand, his brother and father had to get him off before he strangled me or crushed something in my throat. Later that night she and her boyfriend came over, he talked to me for a minute and told me to stop feeling so bad for falling for her and that he had nothing against me for it. She stayed and we talked, but the next day she was acting off and went home in the afternoon.

"John came by that evening and I poured every apology as soon as I found the courage to speak, he accepted and asked me to take a walk with him, we followed the trail behind my house for a while then he stopped. He apologized for making me feel 'Suffocated' and told me that he and the family were leaving because he felt guilty for his actions from the night before, I think you know the rest" Pride surged through me after I was done, I hadn't broken down only a few tears escaping and simply put Jacob looked absolutely pissed, he quickly grabbed me wrapping me into a hug that seemed to comfort the both of us.

"Bella I don't know what to say, but if I ever meet them they will be getting a piece of my mind and maybe my fist" he said angrily

"No time soon Jake, no time soon. Now lets see what those things in the back can do shall we?" his face softened he smiled nodding and jumped out retrieving the bikes from the back. He told me the basics, how to accelerate and brake then helped me line it up and start it, I began to ease my fingers off of the handle and felt the engine roar under me, but before I could completely let go a cold hand stopped me sending a jolt up my spine when I looked up and saw _her _translucent figure in front of me.

"_Bella don't"_ she pleaded

"If you were as worried as you look, you would actually be here to stop me" I could tell my words stung the imaginary angel because she let go.

"_Please be careful, I know you hate me but I cannot bare to see you get hurt"_ she whispered as I sped away.

The wind tossed my hair as I continued to gain speed and she appeared again _"Bella please slow down"_ I shook my head defiantly and reveled in the feel of being in control of the machine under me... Until the bike started to shake under me and I quickly began to lose it.

"Jake how do I stop!" but it was too late the back of the bike had slid forward causing me to roll onto the gravel, I pulled my arms to my face and kept rolling before a tree stopped me cutting open a small gash in my forehead. I heard the other bike start speeding to me and Jacob came into my hazy view.

"Bella! Why didn't you stop are you okay?"

"I'm fine I think, I couldn't remember where it was" He took a semi clean looking rag from his pocket and pressed it to my forehead "Sorry"

"You're sorry for a little cut? This world doesn't deserve you Bells"

"Habit" he helped me up once he was sure that I had stopped bleeding and we grabbed the bikes agreeing to ride them again some time soon.

"Come on lets get you home stunt girl"

_**January**_

Jake has been acting strange lately, Harry says he has Mono and Billy keeps telling me to stay away but there's something else that I can't get at. Yes it makes sense that he's sick, he went to the movies with Mike and me and got a fever afterwards but it's been three weeks he should be getting better by now, he hasn't even called, doesn't answer when I call and seems to be asleep 24/7. I have been keeping _them_ away pretty well on my own, Angela, Jess and Mike had welcomed me back happily all saying they were glad to see 'The old Bella' make her return, and I was glad to see Mikes enthusiasm had gone down several notches once he came to the conclusion that I only saw him as a friend. Jake on the other hand, he's resilient about it. I turn him down he tries again then rinse and repeat, but no matter how many times he tries and fails he still stays the same caring loving friend I love him as.

_'How many more times before real damage is done?'_

Putting those thoughts on hold for now I put the container on the passenger side of my truck homemade chicken noodle soup being the perfect excuse to go see Jacob, I brought the Chevy to life and set out for La Push. I hummed to internal radio as I drove over the rain soaked Washington roads, gigantic trees and moss cover ground on either side of the two lane road.

"I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything as long as it's free I want your love love love love I want your lo-" the truck jolted and I brought it to a stop jumping out to investigate the source, I took a peek into the bed to find a rather large tree branch had somehow fallen into it, from it's size I knew I had no chance in being able to get it out on my own and made a mental post-it to ask Charlie to help.

"Ah fuck!" I yelped as a cold hand grabbed the back of my neck slamming my face down. _'Vampire'_

"You thought you would get away didn't you? You thought you could get my mate killed and just live happily ever _fucking_ after didn't you?" a menacing voice spoke into my ear .

"What? Who are you?"

"I my little morsel am Victoria, perhaps you remember James? The one your precious little _Cullen's _ripped to pieces and burned because he simply wanted a meal?" The baseball field flew back to me, the three nomads that came. Victoria the only female of the group, she was his mate. She is going to kill me isn't she?

"So you remember do you, good I wouldn't want you to think you were dying for no reason. Since I appear to have some time where is your lovely little coven? Have they grown tired of their pet? Did they realize you are nothing but a problem to their so called 'diet'?" she spat tightening her hold on my neck. The ghost of my missing angel appeared on the other side of the rusted truck bed looking both panicked and angry.

"_Lie, tell her we're hunting"_

"The- They're hunting, if they come back and find out you killed me they'll hunt you and kill you too" She laugh evilly slamming my head into the metal once more.

"Do you think I am possibly that dense, Bella is it? I may not be as skilled as James was at tracking but I do know that if you want to get something that's guarded you should learn the routine of the guards first. Tell me why did they leave you behind?" I looked up to _her_ once more only to find that she had disappeared, as Victoria's words rang in my head bringing everything back ten fold and tears began to fall I shook my head as much as I could trying to will it to stay back, knowing I had already lost and my demise was imminent I let both of them into my mind for the last time. The hole ripped open quickly this time bringing a searing heat with it, like every inch of my skin was being set aflame.

"Does it hurt that bad to know they no longer care? If you weren't responsible for the death of my mate I might feel sorry for you" Victoria cooed.

"I think I may have a better idea for you. Your loss seems to hurt you deeply how would you like to live with it for all eternity? That's a fitting punishment wouldn't you say?" as she contemplated her idea growls began to sound in the distance somehow causing her to release her grip and mutter something about mutts as she darted into the trees.

I fell to the concrete wrapping my arms around me as the rain poured drowning out the sound of my sobs, a thundering sound came closer and closer until I thought it was on top of me. Then out of the trees four large wolves? That's what they looked like, but they can't be they're the size of bears, the black one looked like the largest followed by the russet one that had now stopped in front of me, looking at me curiously. One of the others had stopped on the other side of the road growling lightly in what sounded like a warning and was ignored taking that as it's cue to leave bolting into the forest. The creature in front of me trotted back into the trees taking shelter behind a sequoia and returning as...

"Jake!? What the hell! You that- that, what the fuck!" I shrieked

"Bells calm down I don't want both of us having temper issues, can we get in the truck please I don't want you to get sick" I nodded, pulled myself up and we climbed into the truck, he took the wheel and started the engine taking us to his house I assumed.

"Jacob what was that? Are those wolves? Like werewolves or some other mythical creature that I have managed to stumble across?"

"Yes, you remember that old legend I told you on the beach that day? Turns out it's true" he said as we pulled up to the house, the rain had stopped a few minutes ago and I wasn't _totally_ soaked so I dried off pretty good.

"What does that mean necessarily?" I asked opening my door and setting foot on the sloppy grass.

"It means I turn into a giant wolf when I get angry, I can kill _leeches_, my senses have improved and I heal faster if I get hurt. The whole angry part Sam is teaching me to control though, and it's the reason you need to stay away from me"

"Very funny Jake, I think I've proven I can handle otherworldly creatures" I joked, he didn't look amused though.

"You think this is funny don't you? It's not Bella I could kill you before I even knew what I was doing just because I couldn't handle my temper! You need to listen and stay away form me, I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore" Have I heard that before? Jacob began to tremble in his place, his knuckles turning colors and breaths coming in short pants. Billy had appeared in the front door as Jake struggled.

"Calm yourself Jacob" He yelled and Jake seemed to get the point.

"Bella Stay away from me, I don't want to see you here anymore I'll give you back your bike. I will not allow myself to hurt you" he spoke evenly

"No Jake, why are you doing this?" I croaked

"It's for both of our sakes Bella, now please just leave and never come back" a tear fell down my cheek as looked at him then turned and ran back to my truck, my cell phone began to ring in my pocket and I calmed myself enough to answer it, the caller ID reading 'Dad work'.

"Hey dad whats up"

"Bella it's not your dad this is Officer Parker, I.." He paused and I heard him take a breath "I don't know any better way to tell you this. Your Dad's on life support, he lost control of his cruiser on the way back to the station and hit a tree" my life froze at that moment, did fate hate me? Was it going to take my father from me just like it has taken my first and second loves, two of my best friends?

"You should hurry to the hospital Bella, they're waiting for you. The doctors say that he won't make it if the machine is turned off" I hung up the phone and stared out of the window blankly, Billy seemed to notice my distress and knocked on my window.

"Bella look I'm sorry but it has to be this way for your safety" he studied my face once more "Is something wrong? What was that phone call about?" I turned to him everything written on my face "Ch-Charlie is dying" I spoke in a trance like voice as a new reality hit me in the face.

_'You're alone'_


	8. Chapter 8

**I am sooo sorry I took so long, but brutal tests and Mass Effect 2..... I think you get the point... I skipped over the first chapter here so fill it in when you get there and enjoy :)**

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_**February**_

"Bill"

"Bill"

"Publishers clearing house"

"Bill"

"Save the lab Rats?"

The last one made me chuckle a little, the wonders of how random things such as that end up in the US Postal system amusing me for the first time in a good while since Charlies passing, I had found out after I got to the hospital that they barely got him on the array of machines fast enough and he genuinely looked the part, breathing tube jutting from his throat, the beeps of his monitors ringing slowly through the room , had he been found a few minutes later I would have never had a chance to say goodbye. It's an irony almost I never got to tell _her_ goodbye and I'd nearly missed Charlies departure, this left only one thought to roam freely in my head...

_'Who's next?'_

Renee, Phil, me? No I died the day after my birthday, I am just one of the less fortunate that somehow remains to live on whatever keeps me coasting in this useless life, what am I here for anymore? I do nothing, I serve no purpose, I help no one, my existence benefits this world about as much as saying Pluto isn't a planet anymore, okay that may be a bit over zealous but I don't have it in me to give a flying fuck anymore. I am just going to burrow out my own hole in society preferably a deep one where no one can try to dig me up or 'Help me', there are only a few that could and seeing as they are the reason my life has become what it is. I don't think they won't be doing any 'Helping', they don't care anymore if they cared they would still be here.

"Don't you see! And how could you be so stupid? Haven't you heard by now or was Victoria right?! Was I just a pet that you grew tired of? Maybe you we're right, maybe you are monsters because only a monster would destroy the person they claim to love. So fuck love and fuck you!" I shouted at nothing and ghostly figures of those long gone flashed in my head. Happier times when I was a person, when I had something to live for, when I could stand to live another day without borderline praying for some misfortune to come along and end me before I do it on my own. Most have said I still have my mother and Phil to live for, but the time when that would have made the difference has long since passed and rests in the empty void that used to be me. Though it seems someone has found some use of me since the phone is ringing.

"Hello"

"Uh hey Bella, how are you?" the gruff voice answered shakily

"Jake don't ask me that, you took away any right you had to ask me that when you all but banned me from the reservation and frankly you wouldn't like the answer anyway, so what do you want?"

"Yeah, about that look for what it's worth I'm sorry I jumped the gun so to speak and well if you like you could come by pretty much anytime--"

"It's not worth anything now Jacob, you were all I had and then you just tossed me aside like everyone else. You helped me pick up the pieces just to shatter me again so if this was all you wanted then you've wasted your time" I said flatly knowing fully that if I let anyone in ever again I would be worse off than I am now.

"I think saying I'm sorry again won't help so I'll skip to the point, that red haired leech is cutting through the rez at random places and times spreading her scent all over so it's getting harder to track her movements but we know what she's after and that kind of means we'll have to stalk you for lack of a better term to keep her away. Just know that I am not giving up on you Bells, those _bloodsuckers_ did this to you and I'm a dumbass eternally for making it worse. I'll talk to you later I hope you find a way to forgive me between now and then.." he hung up with that leaving me a pissed and mopey mess, with a nice stack of dishes to clean and tedious homework to finish. My usually smart internal voice would tell me that letting Jake back in is the right thing to do but seeing that none of my actions have been anywhere near smart since the day with the bikes I have no plans on listening to it. I found less noticeable ways to bring _her_ to me and they've payed off, yes with pain but that pain lets me know it was real, but sometimes it brings _Edwa-him _back as well, a taunting reminder of a person that I hurt. Of how I ended up like this the guilt that stands alongside the hurt that they are gone, the want that a magical pony would come along and help me undo this damage I have done, the ache for _her... _

"I'm sorry I yelled at you" I spoke softly to air once more "Both of you, if you're anywhere near each other anyway"

I opened the refrigerator with a heavy sigh and foraged through the mass of Tupperware containers for tonight's meal, after Charlies death the entire town had been stopping by with food and kind words. It had taken me days to convince Renee and Phil that I could survive by myself but they had insisted to help with something and eventually ended up with a compromise that they would send me two hundred dollars a month for bills, and with my paycheck from Newton's I could afford gas and food with a little leftover for random things. How far down would or could my new found void of a life go before I hit the bottom, is there a bottom? Or will I live the rest of my life like this, content in misery, numb to everything except the pain that associates itself with memories of _them_ like a shadow.

A shadow of my once happy, jubilant life.

_**March**_

Void, empty, barren, desolate. All four words are now the definition of Isabella Marie Swan, I had a resolve, I held on for Renee and Phil. But I can't any longer it is excruciating and I want, no _need _to get away from it, I can't live with the daily torment. I am like a dog chasing it's tail, I keep going, going and going with no surmountable end add a revenge fueled vampire thrown into the mix and I feel like I have given up control of my life to fabled creatures again, maybe that's why I'm here where Jake and I had seen Sam and the rest his 'Pack' cliff diving for some odd thrill, but I'm don't want thrills I want it to end. Something to take it all away and the only logical answer that I see working is my death, though given my recent dealings with fate my afterlife will be just as tormenting as the life I am preparing to end now. I take another step forward sending pebbles into the crashing waves below me, ominous clouds lining the sky over the ocean a warning of the storm that is making it's way towards the shore, I have no plans on being here to see it. Another step forward and I feel whatever fear left within me drain away, even if this is painful it is better than suffering for the rest of my life and dragging those that still care for me along for the ride, once I take this final step I end it for all of us. They will mourn that is unavoidable but unlike myself they will move on and I refuse to continue going from one extreme to the next, the blinding anger at those who smear the names of those that are considered the reason I am on this cliff despite the clear truth that only I do not acceptthey are to blame, I never will have the strength even when willingly staring death in the face to do so either.

The searing pain that until now had only shown it's face in private, that cripples me.

The illusions of lost loves that taunt me by pretending to care...

"_You aren't doing what I think you're doing are you? Please tell me you're joking, do you have any clue what this will do to me or Edward?"_

"Did you have a clue of what you would do to me by leaving me?" I lashed back at the ghosts before me, they have never shown up together it was always one or the other "Thought so, goodbye I love you both"

I take a final breath close my eyes and lunge forward, memorizing the feel of the wind blasting my face, the mist from the surf stinging my exposed skin as my body hurtles closer to the frigid waters and I open my eyes just before I hit the surface with a painful force, the water forcing it's way up my nose while the violent currents attempt to rip me apart as they thrash me about, the air leaving my lungs when I collide with a rock causing me to take in more of the icy water.

My head broke the surface for a moment, instinctively my arms had wrapped around my torso where no doubt most of my injuries reside, I cough and some of the fluid sputters out of my mouth before I am sent back under by another wave my body trying desperately to stay alive, my mind wanting this to be over as quickly as possible, My murky surroundings become unfocused and I closed my eyes knowing that was the last thing I would ever see.

* * *

I opened my eyes with a groan as I registered the oh so lovely fact that I have managed to die twice in _one_ day, I am certainly achieving feats for humanity aren't I? Don't forget to throw in being saved by a werewolf, hallucinating that _Alice_ had come back and I'm just a regular old basket case.

Something icy touches my cheek, an ice pack? No this has fingers, Victoria? Can't be Jake is the one that got me here how could it possibly be--

"Bella.."

Can't it stop?! I can't live like this anymore, how I've lived like this up until now is far fetched to say the very least and I just tried to end my own life over what I have done to your family and here I am hanging on to my life by a thread and some evil taunting force is projecting you into practically every sense that still works. I jerk my head away with as much force as I can gather, holding my eyelids shut tightly refusing to let the ghost into my sight, shutting out as much of her scent as possible.

"Bella it's okay I'm here, I'm real open your eyes" Alice's voice called softly her hand gliding across my cheek soothingly and my eyes twitched as my resolve faltering. Could she be real? Did fate decide _not_ to put me through a ringer today.

_'If she's not there then you are one serious asshole'_

I opened my eyes slowly adjusting to the light, blinking several times before I chanced turning in the direction that her voice came from...

"Alice?"

"Yes I'm here, I'm so sorry I ever left. How could you do that Bella why did you give up? Why did you try to die?" She asked almost in a whisper

"You only come back because you thought I tried to commit suicide?" I reply harshly

"Right I should've known you would say that, it's kind of complicated"

"So is jumping off a cliff"

"I take that as my cue to explain, yes I left Forks but I never left Washington or you in a very distant 'You couldn't know I was there' way. The morning after your party I saw Edward trying to convince the rest of the Family to leave in order to 'Protect' you, which is why I left you in such a hurry and obviously by the time I got there the choice was irreversible, he had fooled Carlisle into believing that you were better off without us and they decided to move to Denali"

She paused taking what I knew was an unneeded sigh and I actually took a moment to look at her for the first time in months, her eyes didn't hold the life that I was always so used to seeing in my undead _friend_, they were just dull orbs of gold that shined with guilt. Alice picked up my hand running her thumb over the knuckles in a circle, but I jerk it away. No you will not feel sorry for her, she is part of the reason you're in this damned bed!

"I left them I--- I am no longer a Cullen. I could not in good conscience leave you behind and I had a reason to stay so I used it, I told Carlisle that Victoria was after you and as much as I loathed it Edwards wishes became Carlisle's and I stayed away from you of out respect to him, again all the while hating myself for agreeing to it."

"So you're telling me that every last one of you left to _protect_ me? Great job" I sneered angrily

"I told you it was complicated and I can see that you're upset"

"Did you see that too? Ah damn it! You come back and I don't even know what I want anymore, I'm mad at you and mad at me for being mad at you!" I nod over to the chair in the corner of the room "But I know if I tell you to leave I will be worse off so just sit over there and use it as a metaphor"

"I think I know what you're getting at, an only speak when spoken to kind of thing?" she questions arching her eyebrow and I nod in confirmation.

Okay problem one solved Alice is back, logic says that it only gets better from here.... Right?

* * *

**Confession? I don't feel like this one came out right...**


	9. Chapter 9

_Helloez wonderful readers! Thanks for the reviews and such they do this -- :D _

_Alice's POV this chap and sorry to those confused about the last one, as I said something didn't feel right and I wrote myself into a hole as I meant for Bella to come off as confused not confuse the reader. Also sorry about the wait and the fact that for quality reasons I'll be slowing down the updates. Shutting up now, lol Enjoy!_

_**

* * *

**__**One Week Later...**_

Bella had been released from the hospital two days after she'd arrived and luckily for me I caught on to her 'Sit over there' quip, rejoicing in my head that she wasn't telling me to leave the second she laid eyes on me though I am still fully aware that I'm not out of this mess yet.

I sat silently, still as stone pun heavily intended and watched Bella's sleeping form, her chest rose and fell with each breath that was partially strained by her injuries. Even in sleep her features were marred with confusion and hurt, how did _I _do this? How could I stand by and let her go this far? I had failed Jasper, he told me not to let what now seems nothing more than a petty promise destroy our lives and I have done just that. Bella is gone and if I cannot help her I will soon be myself, I should have 'come back' a long time ago around the time the _mutt_ that I had somehow grown to trust despite his 'nature' had told her to stay away from the only friend she would at least open up to. Fool, I think by the end of all our lives we will have all learned our lesson about Bella and supernatural creatures, she is better off _with _them than without them. Yes one could argue that in our presence she has become a target for other vampires, but easily omit the fact that without us being around or not she could still be killed by a vampire, whether she knows or not we _do _exist and most do _not_ drink animal blood, we vegetarians are the minority in this world. They both had warning of what could happen to Bella both emotionally and physically, both chose to ignore those blaring sirens and do what _they_ thought was best for her. As I said before, Fools.

The rain continued tapping lightly against the window managing to break me out of my sullen, slightly angered, maybe a tad bit drifting towards vengeful if I did not stop there thoughts and bring more prevalent issues to light. Just how am I going to help Bella? I am lucky that she's even letting me help her get around and handle things around her house, her trust however may elude me for the unforeseeable future. Bella's breathing picked up signaling me that she was beginning to wake and that I need to get out of her room before I am kicked out on my stony ass, getting up silently I walked a speedy human pace to the door opening it slowly...

"Alice"

I mentally smacked myself for being caught _'You're a vampire that see's into the future but conveniently misses her waking up _and_ can't sneak out of her room? Nice one Alice'_ my inner voice chided as I turned preparing for whatever her reaction may be, being surprised at the short laugh she let out I turned my head to the side arching an eyebrow at her in confusion.

"You lasted longer than I thought you would, I thought at the very least you would've been standing outside the door yesterday and the day before but you were on the couch 'Sleeping'" Bella spoke with air quotes stretching as far as her injuries would allow without causing pain releasing another laugh as she rose to her feet, I leaned against the door frame quirking my eyebrow at her once more unsure of how to react to her unexpected warm mood this morning but welcoming it fully.

"If I may, you seem very happy today" I said cautiously studying her face for any sign that I am still not privy to that information, overstepped my boundaries and subsequently ruined my welcome, Bella hesitated glancing at me briefly then quickly averting her gaze to the window. She let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through her hair, she looked back to me her brown orbs boring into me screaming everything I desperately hope she wants to say. But I have to earn the right to hear it, as painstaking as it is and will be I have to wait. I began to move towards Bella my gaze never leaving hers _'Just give me one please just one' _I mentally begged, then of course in a complete cliché my cell phone rang. Being the only one in the room capable of growling it's clear of whom is making the sound.

"You--- You should get that" she said quietly "Yea... I'll take this downstairs"

I hid my ire as I exited the room pulling my phone from my pocket without so much as a glance to see who was calling "Hello" I hissed passing through the kitchen door into Bella's backyard.

"Well I suppose I shouldn't have expected a warm greeting given our last conversation, though I do suppose I am fortunate that you answered at all or that I am able to reach you at all"

"Edward" I replied simply with a quiet growl

"Alice, we have considered one another siblings for a number of years have we not? With that said even though you do not go by Cullen anymore anymore I kindly ask you to hear me out" He spoke in a tone unbecoming of his usual mind-numbing confidence in himself, I released a heavy and unneeded sigh. He was right we had often been the closest of the Cullen 'children' for decades the household joke sometimes being that we were separated at birth.

"What is it Edward?"

"I have thought about the last time we spoke, Alice I think I made a mistake. I have been mulling over it for what seems like most of my existence now, when I saw the visions and..." He paused pulling in a breath as if he actually needed it "And the kiss you shared with Bella. I-- I became blinded, you know first hand how territorial we are where our mates are concerned. When I saw all she said in the visions and to you I had a natural reaction, I felt betrayed but then I don't know what happened. All the thoughts flying through my head screamed that Bella was ungrateful, that she didn't understand all I had done for her, all I had risked for her, I became blinded by selfish thoughts that wanted me to make her remember all of it no matter the means.

"I sulked in the forest for hours after realizing how much I had hurt her in both ways. But that instinct to protect my 'territory' was still there, you were no longer my sister, you were a threat to be dealt with. Luckily some part of my brain knew I shouldn't attack you at least not physically and I still wanted to protect her, so I thought---"

"Stop, just stop. If this is an apology as I suspect it is than fine consider it accepted but it will never change what Bella has become. You did not see her change as I did no matter if I shared that vision with you which you so blatantly ignored, _I _was here, _I _heard her scream herself to sleep, _I _saw her turn into a wreckless thrill seeker, _I _saw her life crumble around her, _I _hid in the trees when she buried her father, _I _protected her from Victoria with the aid of the Wolves..._ I_ was there when both of us could have lost her"

Edward let out what sounded like a sob then taking a moment to collect himself before speaking again, his voice filled with regret.

"What happe-- Alice I don't..."

"Charlie is dead Edward, he lost control of his cruiser and smashed into a tree. And as for that last part she's still recovering. After your _brilliant _idea to leave everything happened just as I showed you, she became a husk. But something I did not or rather could not see happened, Bella grew closer to her friend Jacob, she confided in him and he tried his damnedest to be there for her, for a while he did and she was at least somewhere near the Bella we used to know. But as you know Jacob is of Quileutte decent and yes he became a werewolf, as with all of them he had developed a lack of control over his temper and lets just say you two have something in common

"Fast forward to last week and I---" The memory of the vision slipped into my head, breaking through my resolve not to let Edward have any kind of hint towards my current state. I felt like I died for lack of a better term when it first came, my body went into auto-pilot and every thing or person that wanted me away from Bella didn't matter they could kill me themselves later if I didn't get to her in time. Even now with Bella alive and mostly well it still terrifies me to recall it.

_I lay across my bed, my stereo playing softly in the background. The wolves said they had things well in hand with Victoria so I chose to give myself a 'personal day' if you will, and take a break from hunting the vengeful creature. As they always seemed to do now, my thoughts drifted to Bella. Charlie was dead, Jacob has cut any social ties he had with her due to his transformation and Bella has lost whatever of herself she had gotten back for that brief period. Is it too late to go back? Or have I done as Jazz warned me not to?_

I threw a pillow across the room out of nothing more than pure frustration and sat up resting my head in my hands, when a familiar blur marked my vision pulling me into the future.

_Bella stood on a jagged cliff her face showing so much pain as she looked down at the trashing waters below her "Did you have a clue of what you would do to me by leaving me?" She spoke harshly at nothing "Thought so, goodbye I love you both"_

_She took a step and began hurtling towards the violent waters below and the vision went black. Bella...Bella was gone_

"_N—No Bella" I spoke hearing my own voice crack in disbelief "No" I said once more in an almost defiant tone as if I was daring fate or whomever controls our destinies to take Bella from this world and standing from the bed beginning my frantic race to Bella._

"Alice what did Bella do?" Edward asked

"She jumped Edward, she jumped" The phone slid from my hand, I stared into nothing as the dread from that day took over me. Bella wanted to die and I was partly to blame, a choked sob racked my frame with more following it quickly and I picked the phone up with a new found fervor.

"This is your fault Edward, had we been here maybe she would still have a part of her left. Instead I have to see my best friend as nothing because that's all she lets me see!" I hissed at him

"Wait you went back, you're with her now!? Alice this isn't helping her be normal!" Edward growled

"Edward when did you become such an imbecile? We are normal to her, she heard vampire and might as well have shrugged at it! She loved and cared for all of us as we were"

I heard him sigh again and waited for him to speak once more "Keep her safe Alice"

"I will"

* * *

I leaned against the counter absently flipping through a magazine waiting for Bella's chicken to finish, occasionally I would steal glances at Bella as she sat on the sofa watching a DVD quietly.

_'Patience is a virtue Alice, it has been for centuries' _

And how arduous a task it will be for me to keep it that way, though most of Bella's future has remained the same ever since surviving her jump. She still becomes a vampire a vegetarian as well, the only major difference is her mate or lack there of. In this new version of her future she is alone in every sense of the word, she lived alone, from what I could see had no ties to anyone bar a few Nomads she had appeared to befriend and as selfish as it may come off, she had no contact with any Cullen or former Cullen which 'Bites' for lack of a better term, who changes her also eludes my gift and makes me very insecure about her current predicament. Vengeful cunning vampire wanting her dead in either sense of the word it would seem.

The timer dinged amidst my reverie, breaking it for the time being as I began to put food on the plate and take it to Bella minding the slight burn in my throat mentally noting to go for a hunt as she ate. A familiar blur edged it's way into my sight.

_'I sat cross legged on a bed leaning against the headboard a blissful smile playing across my face, my skin sparkled through the loosely fit babydoll I wore and my choker was back in place gleaming along with my skin as the sun shined through the open doors that lead to a balcony. _Esme's isle... Why am I there? _I closed my eyes seemingly recalling something that made the smile grow wider._

"_I love you" I spoke in a soft tone at the memory "I love you too" a voice replied from behind me_

Bella

_I opened my eyes turning to face as she stood in the doorway a soft smirk lined her lips, her golden eyes twinkling happily._

"_Did you enjoy your hunt?" I asked appearing to survey her form greedily, her tank top fitting snugly to her torso, her brown locks were now highlighted with hints of a lighter brown, blonde like color pulled neatly into a high ponytail, a pair of slim fit jeans clung to her waist and her crest once again hanging from her neck._

"_Yes and I'm proud to say that next time you join me there will be no 'messy eater' jokes" Bella spoke while spinning around showing me her spotless outfit to which I applauded._

"_You've learned well, I'm proud and I'm sure Emmett would be jealous. Though he prefers to 'Play' with his food first, that is if you consider wrestling a bear playing but that's all a matter of opinion" I joked shifting my position and pulling my legs to my side, Bella laughed at the mention of our bear of a brother. _

"_Ditto Al, ditto" She crossed the few feet until she was standing at the edge of the bed standing beside me, looking at me with an awe-struck expression._

"_I don't care if I said it five seconds ago when I came in here, I love you Mary Alice Brandon Cullen" Bella spoke with a fire behind her words._

"_I'll never get tired of hearing that, I love you too" _

I came back to the present realizing that my mouth was as close to the floor as possible, I regained what composure I had left and called for Bella and placed the plate on the table. What triggered that? It could have only been Bella, what did she decide that made her future do a one-eighty?

"Alice?" she asked while fiddling with her fork

"Yes"

"Change me"

* * *

Did it come out better for you guys and girls?


	10. Chapter 10

**This took WAY longer than I expected and way shorter than I expected, so for the wait and length I apologize. Hope everyone enjoys :)**

* * *

"_Bella I can't simply change you, there are so many things for me to take into account. The wolves, where to go outside of Forks and even before those I would have to take months to figure how to not kill you" Alice paused breathing out a deep sigh, she looked like the hopes of the entire world had just been thrust onto her small yet capable shoulders. Her gaze still leveled at the floor her entire frame rigid, finally after a few more moments of my nerves fraying themselves Alice looked up at me again seemingly searching for any doubt in my sudden request. To my own surprise that I had shocked the psychic vampire._

"_Are you sure that you want this, without a doubt you want to be a vampire? I am only going to ask you once and I get the feeling this is more for my own reassurance than yours"_

"_Yes"_

Over the past months the friction between Alice and I has slowly withered away and made way for the jovial friendship we shared before she had left, the determination that I had once thought of as "Rock Solid" had begun to fade as I spent more time around the enthralling pixie and it became clear that she had no intention of leaving me again and that me holding myself together with a string wasn't going to work much longer so I had slowly begun sharing some of what had happened while she was gone. Some or rather most of the details visibly affecting her, varying masks of pain, regret or anger playing across her features as I spoke though to my surprise she had smiled a few times when I mentioned Jake becoming my rock of sorts and the few months that I was able to lead a somewhat normal life, normal for me anyway with the mythical creatures and all. I had asked her about the rest of the Cullen's a couple of times, after she parted ways with them Edward apparently did the same and is now somewhere in South America, Jasper had ventured back to Texas to find a few of his old friends and everyone else had moved to Alaska.

"Bella I need to speak with you about something"

"Speak away" I spoke lightly

"I am not questioning your decision regarding being turned just raising a concern if you will. You were very close with Jacob until his transformation and I can tell that you still care and miss him to some degree... perhaps you should say goodbye?"

My initial response was a resounding no, he abandoned me when I had no one to turn to, when I needed a friend most, he was the one that helped me find pieces of myself and make a functioning human out of me again only to shatter it to pieces. But being a bit more rational I thought about the pain I felt when the Cullen's left I knew it would hurt the both of us if I simply left and I would never be able to return unless I wanted us to end up trying to kill one another.

"I'll do that" Alice nodded after I spoke standing from the couch and rummaging around in the small cabinet under the TV where Charlie had kept a few board games and a deck of cards, surfacing seconds later with a box of pick up sticks.

_'Since when did Charlie own pick up sticks?'_

"Join me?" Queried her wind chime voice while she scattered the plastic sticks on the floor beckoning me to sit across from her "Sure" I said shrugging as I got comfortable on the carpet pulling my legs to my side and leaning on the opposite palm.

* * *

Hours later more of that wall I was keeping between Alice and I had taken a tumble as we ended up sprawled on the floor laughing at ourselves after the fifth game had ended with us arguing over whether she'd made the second to last stick move or not in which we both realized neither of us would win due to both of our occasionally stubborn natures so we settled on agreeing to disagree. I glanced at the clock realizing that for the first time in more than half a year I had lost track of time because I was _actually _enjoying myself in someone else's company, more so I was letting myself enjoy the company as opposed to forcing a smile or a laugh for the sake of others, everything was becoming real again. _I _was becoming me again.

A smile began creeping it's way across my face as I glanced at the floor, my long dormant happiness being revitalized by none other than the vampire I am still very much smitten or better yet infatuated with. Alice must have seen the grin forming because her face soon came into view as she was now laying flat on her back in front of me, her bright smile adorning nearly every part of her face.

"Hello" she said almost in a whisper

"Hi there"

"It's good to see you do that again I'll have you know"

"Good because I think I'd like to do it more often if it's fine with you" I jested

"Well I don't know, but then again I don't think I have a say in the matter" Alice spoke wistfully

"Then I suggest you shut up and deal with it"

We laughed as we collected the sticks from the floor placing them back in the box and stood from the as I stifled a yawn. "Sleep for the human I gather?"

"Reluctantly" Somehow amidst the jovial atmosphere my doubts still came out torment me for the umpteenth time as the time for me to sleep came, every night since her return and still I feel like she won't be here when I wake.

"Rest well, see you in the morning"

"Goodnight Alice"

_My legs hung off the arm of the couch with my head resting comfortably in Alice's somehow warm lap as we watched Wall-E on the flat screen laughter floating through the room every few seconds the TV being the only source of light through the house. _

_In between one of our fits of giggles a knock sounded at the front door Alice motioned for me to move so she could get it and in a flash she had opened the door._

"_Hello sister" The voice sneered coldly causing every last muscle in my body to tense up and making my entire form go rigid._

"_Edward" Alice spoke breathlessly _

"_Yes and you are Alice remember, I see you had no care for my wishes to let Bella lead a normal life and returned anyway..." he said just as coldly_

"_Well it is time for me to remedy this, gather your things Alice I will no longer allow you to interfere in my Bella's life" Edward glared down at her and she took a defiant stance, until two other vampires that I had never seen before appeared in the door flanking him on both sides._

"_This should quell any thought you had of defying me correct" Alice's face fell in defeat and I watched silently feeling the hole threatening to rip open if she walked out of that door with them. I sprung from my seat on as she climbed the stairs latching onto her arm._

"_Alice don't"_

_"I have no choice, goodbye Bella" with that she shook herself from my grasp and darted up the steps returning with her belongings and leaving me on my knees in the front door. The four vampires climbed into Edwards Volvo, the engine purred to life and the car backed out of the driveway as I began to sob. I quickly rose to my feet as I lost sight of the car, sprinting out of the door_

"_ALICE!" I shrilled falling to the damp pavement and the car eventually disappeared. I lay there sobbing and beginning to shake from the cold as night fell._

"Bella!?" Bella wake up please!" Alice called frantically shaking me awake and I snapped my eyes open to see her looking down at me frightened_._

"What happened? You were shaking, thrashing around then you screamed my name"

"We--- We were watching a movie and Edward showed up with two other vampires, he said something about him wishing for me to have a normal life and you not caring for it or something and you left with him..."

"You left me, Alice why did you leave me!?" I tore myself from her grasp burying my face in my hands as the tears began to fall. Stone hands took hold of mine slowly pulling them away from my face until I could see her face blurred by the tears but I refused to look her in the eye

"I am not leaving you _ever _again do you hear me? I know it is beyond too soon for me to say this but you knew before I left and I feel you need a reminder. I love you Bella and now even if you do not love me as I do you I will stay by your side through hell, high water, werewolves and crazed vengeful vampires until _you _tell me to leave do you understand?"

I nodded somehow dumbstruck by something I had already known as Alice's lithe hand glided softly across my face wiping the tears away.

"Thank you Alice, I uh-- I... Thanks" I sputtered as she let out a small giggle.

"In time sweet human, in time" She said quietly while running her fingers through my hair lulling me into a restful state once more.

"Now keep that in mind and get some sleep okay" Alice winked coyly and placed a soft kiss to my forehead before getting up and heading back downstairs.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Long wait again I apologize but life is life and it is often random... Well for me anyway. Enjoy!_**

SM Owns Twilight

* * *

I woke later that morning as light flooded my yet un-opened eyes, the sun choosing to grace Forks with it's presence though it would undoubtedly be concealed by dark clouds by the end of the day. A groan escaped me as I stretched, the familiar movement pulling me out of my drowsy state and alerting me to the feeling of being watched.

"Good morning" Alice chimed softly, my head automatically turned towards the source of wonderful sound and finding her lounging in the desk chair beaming a brilliant smile "I thought you could use the company after those dreams, you don't mind do you?"

My heart soared at her words. How could I mind? She is... Alice, and there is no _real_ way to explain her. She is unreal in more ways than simply being a vampire, ironic as it may be that she can see the future but to me she is the most unpredictable person I have ever known.

_'And she loves YOU'_ my conscience rang bringing a smirk to light, it became a chant in my head, the memory fresh as the day replaying again and again, Alice's presence erasing any doubt that it, that this wasn't real. It is very real, Alice loves me. Me who has been torn to pieces, who is still putting the pain that once told me I was still alive behind me, who has been falling for her since the day we'd met. My thoughts raced as they always did where Alice was prevalent in them, everything she has ever told me, that I've ever figured out on my own, that anyone has told me about her. Simply put, everything Alice. Everything that I have fallen devastatingly in love with so fast that my head _did _spin, hell it's still spinning.

Almost of their own accord my legs went to the side of the bed, I tore my eyes away from Alice to glance at the sun bathed land of Forks. This was different, in the time I've grown accustomed to the sort of "Grey" beauty of the Pacific Northwest so having it all glow in various hues is... Odd to say the least, but it is still a nice sight.

"Looks nice out there today doesn't it?" Alice commented mumbling a 'yes' I stood angling towards the dresser I set my gaze on Alice once more, the bubbly pixie's head slighted off to her left still beaming happily, now directing her smile at me. The beauty of Alice striking me to this very moment. "I wish you could enjoy it instead of being trapped in here all day" I spoke sadly.

"Ah but I'm not trapped" She pointed at me then back to herself "We are going to the beach today" I shook my head in confusion motioning to the window "Alice sun, sparkling?"

Alice tapped her forehead "Visions of the future, if anyone see's us it will be the wolves and obviously that's not an issue. Please?" me win or even attempt to put up a fight when Alice sports the puppy dog face? Never.

"Okay, worst comes to worst, you don't see someone coming and we have to pass it off as _really_ good body glitter" Alice chuckled at my remark shaking her head "Come now, the day is young best we seize it while we can. Translation shower, eat and lets go missy" she jibbed jokingly feigning a stern look.

"Yes ma'am" I joked finally taking enough attention off of Alice to gather an outfit for the day and heading to the bathroom as she took off down the stairs presumably to find my customary morning cereal. I took the time to enjoy my shower mostly just standing under the water, after about 20 minutes I had shut the water off and stepped out into the humid air wrapping a towel around myself, brushing my hair and dressing. Reaching the kitchen I found Alice sitting atop the counter wearing a small but bright smile. No sooner than I had started eating, the phone shrilled and Alice had stoo- Leapt from her perch tossing a coy wink at me before answer it, her voice ringing like bells as she spoke a quick 'Hello?', her smile fell somewhat as she looked to me extending the phone.

"It's Jacob" she spoke passing it to me.

"Hey" I said tentatively to my werewolf friend, well ex-friend I guess.

"Bells hey I uh, wanted to know if I could come over and talk to you?" He spoke, voice rattling lacking it's usual confidence.

"Yeah I wanted to talk to you too" I didn't want to do this now I know I shouldn't be telling him to begin with but... I owe him my life, if he hadn't plucked me from the murky, rushing waters I wouldn't be here to, in theory. Die again.

"Thanks I swear I'll try not to put my foot in my mouth" He joked, the jitters still evident in his tone "I'll be there in 15 okay?"

"See you then" I passed the phone back to Alice who then spoke briefly to him before hanging up.

"Are you ready?" She simply asked "If I can't do it now, I'd probably never be able to. Besides maybe, pardon the blind optimism but _maybe _he'll find a way to accept it? Maybe it won't be goodbye, maybe he'll cope or _something_, nothing wrong with a little hope right? Life can't keep screwing me over can it?" I asked and answered running my hands through my hair

"No there is not a thing wrong with hoping, just don't hope so much that you get hurt please" The pixie murmured softly, golden eyes displaying a vulnerability I had never seen from her. My fingers ran through my hair again a deep sigh passing through me, mental pressure surrounding me on all sides. How do I do this? Two people counting on me to do the same thing, not do something I'll regret and me counting on myself to not hurt either of them. I steeled my resolve _'It will be okay'_ becoming a forced chant, my eyes shut and another sigh rose from my lungs as my old friend returned _'Hey stress! How's it going?'_ I mocked internally while a set of cold arms fit themselves snugly around me making the thought dissipate, sweet scents filtering up my nose clouding my thoughts in an Alice haze once more. We stayed like that a few minutes more enjoying the embrace, our calm before the storm one could say which was soon interrupted by sharp raps on the back door by one Jacob Black.

"Off by about ten minutes there Jakey" Alice chided giggling and releasing me so I could answer the door.

* * *

Alice had chosen to stay inside for obvious reasons though I could still see her resting on the counter again, Sam Uley had accompanied him and made his way into the house to speak with Alice I presumed.

"So we're here huh? Right point, I kind of thought on this for a while and I figured saying it to you in person would be better and... Bells I want my friend back, I was an ass, an idiot but I just didn't want to hurt you I- I just didn't know I'd end up doing that anyway"

"Jake it's- I'm ready to move past that if you are" Jake visibly relaxed and nodded sheepishly now beaming a toothy grin, he was relieved and I knew I was about to tear that relief to shreds.

"Now I need something from you Jake"

"Whatever it is you've got it Bella you know that" He spoke gleefully

"Jacob I don't think you will be as enthusiastic when you know what it is" Sam called emerging from the house Alice in tow but sticking to the shadow of the house.

"Sam?" Jake's body tensed as Sam approached him

"I think it's best if Bella tells you and I will elaborate" The Quileutte Alpha added, I threw a glance back at Alice for reassurance though I knew she couldn't see the outcome it helped to see her nod and give a soft smile, I turned my attention back to Jacob trying to find a way to put this so it can be at least a little easier for him. _'It will be okay... I hope'_

"Jake I need you to listen not talk" I called softly "I want to be a Vampire" Sam placed his hand on Jacobs shoulder as he flinched, nose flaring in anger.

"I know you want to yell at me right now but _this is what __**I **__want._ Jake once school is over we are leaving Forks and Alice will change me, please understand Jacob I want this she is not taking my life she is giving me the one I want. I will not be the human killing monster both of you despise, I will be a 'Vegetarian' like her" I spoke as lightly as I could as I watched him tremble, avert his eyes and presumably though I couldn't hear it growl in protest.

"Bella, Jacob there is something you should both know" Sam said looking Jake in the eye and glancing at me "You will not have to leave the area to be changed, I spoke with the small one just now and she nor Bella are not to be harmed by us upon her changing unless something were to go wrong. This is her decision and we have no right to intrude on it" Jake hissed loudly now glaring daggers into everyone around him including me.

"Sam? How can you agree to this? She is becoming the leech we are meant to kill and you say fine? What if she kills her before she can stop draining her! Then what? What if Bella loses control and kills someone Sam?" He was pacing, face alight with fury, each step seeming more like a stomp than the last.

"And you Bella? She left you here to rot after you told her _you love her_ and now you're trusting her to _not _kill you so you can become like her?And just who are you going to turn to when she's not there when you wake up?"Jacob spoke icily staring directly at Alice.

"Jacob Black I regret every second of that so don't you _dare!_" my Pixie growled. Wait _My _pixie? What the hell? Right supernatural shouting match kind of happening.

"Stop!" I screamed pulling their focus to me "Jake don't forget the reason you came here! Yes Alice left me, yes she came back because she simply thought I was dead. But she was wrong and she is _still _here, she could have left as soon as she knew I wasn't and could have done so without me even knowing she was here to begin with" He huffed before darting into the trees to leave followed by Sam who nodded at us as he chased after him. I trudged back into the house with Alice a step or two behind me, I fumed in silence for several minutes before choosing to move on with my day knowing that there is nothing to do about until or if I even see Jake again.

* * *

"Lets get out of the house, come on" Alice said heading for the door wrapping herself in a scarf and donning a pair of over-sized sunglasses, sighing dejectedly I followed without word to... "Alice when did you get a Porsche?" came my surprised near yelp when my eyes landed on the Yellow sports car sitting in my driveway.

"You like it then?" She turned to me beaming proudly "Yeah, wait no! You can go like four times the speed limit in that thing! Oh god" I groaned

"Bella, Bella, silly human I bet you won't even notice" she joked and opened my door "Won't notice the skin peeling off my face, maybe" I muttered pulling the seat belt over me while Alice shut the door quickly re-appearing on the drivers side putting the keys in the ignition bringing the car to life with a purr and backing out onto the rarely dry streets of Forks.

Soon enough the greenery was nothing more than a blur speeding across the tinted window of Alice's Porsche. It was comical how fitting this car is to her sleek, fast, strong, beautiful. And of course fashionable with the color, to my disbelief the speed wasn't _that _obvious to me other than the speedometer resting near the very end of it's track and the constant fast hum of the engine. I settled deeper into the seat letting my head lull to the window and watch the trees blaze by in silence.

"What's going on in that mind?" Alice murmured reaching over, covering my hand with her own.

"Everything and nothing"

"That is vague if anything"

"Jake is pissed, Victoria is lurking, I may very well be a vampire inside a year and much more that would take me a bit to think of. Just everything but then I am trying so much to shut it out for a while, I want a quiet moment for my thoughts just for a minute" I explained quietly

"They will in time Bella, in time" She said distantly leaving me with the sense that she had a double meaning to it.

Tree lines were replaced by cliffs, sand and calm oceans within a few more minutes of driving, Alice brought the car to a stop turning it off and starting off towards the sand with me not far behind. She twisted her head back at me revealing her sparkling face almost stopping me dead in my tracks as if I had run head on into a moving train. My eyes probably resembled saucers glued straight at her, I knew my mouth was open. Layman's terms I am staring. Did I care? No way in hell and of course she had noticed shining a quick smile at me angling her head forward beckoning me to stop standing around like a deer staring down well, her. I had to keep up the _'One foot in front of the other' _chant as I walked with Alice along the shore until we'd stopped and taken seats on the sand.

Waves crashed softly into the shore a few feet away from us while we sat not even a foot apart, a chilled breeze making me pull my knees to my chest letting me rest my chin on them. Every few moments I would steal glances at Alice through a curtain of hair as she looked off into the sea with an unreadable expression, her skin still shining like it is covered in diamond dust.

"Mind shut up yet?" she whispered

"Yeah, a lot actually guess being surrounded by quiet helps too" I chuckled

"Glad to be your tour guide" Alice winked turning to face me sporting a playful grin that I returned with a small smirk.

"Sorry about earlier I didn't mean t-"

"Don't worry about it Bella" she interrupted

"Okay not worrying" It is a half truth I suppose, thoughts from not even two hours ago reaching the front of my mind. What in some messed up part of my brain had thought to call her 'My Alice'? How in only being back for a mere few months can all that made my life crash into the gates of hell itself can Alice manage to bring those feelings screaming back to the surface. She wasn't even mine when she left for fucks sake!

"Something wrong?" Alice questioned

"No" I spoke keeping my eyes off her

"Yes there is, we've done this before you know I'm right" she said confidently earning an annoyed sigh from me "There isn't anything wrong but I have something on my mind that I would like to keep to myself for a bit" I said back looking over to her

_'Idiot'_ called my increasingly rude conscience as I nearly swam in pools of gold locked on me with concern etched into them, her eyebrows bent up slightly. Of their own will my eyes had drifted down her face, I had nearly been able to memorize every feature she had by the time my sight landed on her lips and stopped there lingering as I registered her forehead touching mine, her hand hovering lightly above the nape of my neck. I lifted my eyes up to meet hers, spoken and unspoken words lingering behind them radiating a warmth that sent my heart flying just like it did last night, both of us beginning to cast our gazes down at the same time until I had shut my eyes simply listening and feeling. She tugged me towards her softly bringing us closer, ghosting her lips across my chin the skin tingling there as they passed. Her breath danced it's way up my nose as she let out a sigh, pressing forward until our lips touched.

_No turning back, no cancellation. Cats in the bag, trains at the station._


	12. Chapter 12

The world had gone silent in seconds, all I could even _sense_ were Alice's lips resting on mine cold and soft just as I remember. We pulled back slightly our lips still a mere inch away, mine turning up into a grin as I pulled my eyes open and met Alice's sparkling golden gaze.

"You saw that"

"Maybe" Came her breathy whisper "I actually saw a few different versions.." She trailed off with a contagious giggle that spread to me, her eyes shimmering with glee while I tried to stop my own from drifting down to her lips.

"I liked this one better because I get to kiss you more" We quickly meshed our lips together again. Alice's small hands working their way into my hair, tightening into loose fists around the mousy brown strands pulling me closer to the chilly lips I suddenly craved while I fumbled with my own hands sliding them up to her waist and taking hold of Alice's shirt, pulling her cold body closer. Soon and may I say far too soon, my lungs began to burn for air and Alice pulled away earning a whine from me.

"You need to breathe silly human" She giggled as I peeled my eyes open to meet her vibrant gaze and playfully huffed "I don't want to" I rasped out only causing her to giggle more at my 'human moment'. I jokingly scowled and lightly swatted her arm "Oh Bella you know that was adorable!" Alice squeaked after pressing her lips to my nose, one of her hands tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as my breaths returned to normal and Alice tucked me into her arms.

"Shush you, mean little vampire" I grumbled as I nuzzled her burrowing into her neck and taking in her rich scent while a soft, contented rumble rose from her chest as I began listening to the waves quietly lapping at the shore yards away and the almost still wind passing my ears as a musing escaped my mouth "I don't want to move" the small vampire only mumbled in response while her nose pressed into my hair.

"Though I agree and that is a delightful idea... We have to eventually"

"Yes eventually.. Not now so don't be a party pooper" I retorted while pulling away from her neck spotting the smile tugging the corners of her lips, chilled arms wrapped tightly around me in a warm embrace as I stared in awe at the vampires gleaming skin, her lips pulling back into a bright grin that I soon found myself mimicking while settling against her once more.

"As you wish" Alice whispered beginning a long, comfortable silence and leaving me to remember the hell it took to get this one moment of nothing trying to kill me... Including myself, as crazy as it may sound I'm kind of thankful for it. If none of it happened I'd be lying to someone I once loved with my all and an entire family that has killed their own kind to protect me, albeit some not so enthused about the idea of protecting me in the first place. Though the vampire who's arms I am cocooned in right now say I am a bit off when it comes to Rosalies' opinion of me.

"You're thinking again, I thought you wanted your mind to shut up?"

"Shut up with the worrying and complicated things yes, I am just... Reminiscing, all the pain it took everyone I care for to go through just for this one tiny moment of me being content. It's worth it and not at the same time" I spoke quietly, my hand idly twisting the ends of her spiky hair as I continued "Charlie spent the last few months of his life having to stop me from screaming in my sleep because my high school love left. Little did he know it was mainly because you left, but in the end here we are" I paused, silently wishing that he could see that I am not that anymore. That he could see that maybe I'll be okay after all.

"Even if I get the feeling all of 'this' is far from over"

"It will be over before you know it and before you even think about asking. Yes it _will_ be okay, remember never bet against me my dear" Alice sighed and pressed a kiss to my hair, tightening her small arms around me and I smiled.

"Wouldn't think of it. Now bet that you will have a hard time convincing me to get in that rocket with wheels you call a car again... Yes, oh yes you will" I said with a playful glare at the bright canary piece of machinery

"You didn't even notice, I could tell you were relaxed the whole time. Nice try Bella"

"Stupid super hearing" I mumbled and stuck my tongue out, only making Alice giggle and flash her brilliant smile at me "Bella Swan what am I going to do with you?"

"Love me?" _'Foot meet mouth, mouth meet foot.' _Instantly I felt my face heating up as I mentally slapped myself for letting that thought out and tried to think of a way to make her forget I'd even said it _'She is a vampire, she won't forget' _Thanks for the non-help brain... "Is it too late to say squirrel, point and hope you forget I said that?" I questioned nervously, pulling away from her embrace and hanging my head.

"Yes" She cupped my chin and lifted my head until I had no choice but to meet her amber orbs "As for your first question, of course. Until the day I am turned into nothing but ash I will love you, have I not told you I love you enough you silly human?" Alice smiled again as I acted on impulse, leaning forward and softly pressing my lips against hers for a moment. Whispering as I pulled away slowly "Thank you... And I will say it back to you one day, I swear it"

"Take your time you very well could have kicked my out of that hospital room and I wouldn't be here with you. I think I'll let you do what you are comfortable with Miss Swan, I'd rather not chance- No I will _never _chance losing you again" I felt a stray tear slip down my cheek only to be wiped away by Alice before her eyes glazed over for a few moments, worry etched on her face when she returned to the present.

"Alice what's wrong?" Instead the small vampire didn't reply, only standing up and gently and quickly pulling me with her to the car. "Alice?" She only replied with the one word that could shatter the peace I had found as she speedily opened my door then zipped to the other side of the car quickly starting it and backing out.

"Victoria" She spoke in a focused tone as she pulled her phone and dialed, the person answering quickly "She's coming, lead her to the field where my family used to play baseball." The vampire that was smiling at me lovingly mere minutes ago now had a dangerous gleam in her darkening eyes as she spoke again "I am ending her. Today"

Fear jumped to the front of my thoughts, though not for me. "Alice no! You will get hurt!" I sputtered out in a frenzy as she pressed the 'end' button "What if she kills you Alice? You promised you wouldn't leave me ever again, if you're dead you break that promise!"

"I won't die, nor will I get hurt. I cannot say the same for Victoria" She spoke with certainty, navigating the winding road expertly as the sky darkened and a bolt of lightning flashed in the distance _'A fitting setting...'_

"Alice you don't know that!" The small vampire took her eyes from the road for a moment and turned to me, her eyes almost pitch black "I have several things she doesn't have Bella. The wolves aid, my gift and last but never least my love for you. Where as her only motive is revenge and maybe dinner"

_'Jake'_ At that very thought I felt as if I could pass out from worry, he is probably still fuming after this morning he can't go into a fight like that! A cold arm stretched out in front of me and soon after I heard the tires screech against the pavement as Alice turned to me again "Bella stop. Now. It will be okay, I will be fine as no visions of beyond today have disappeared and even though I can't see your smelly friend I don't need to. He is smart, angry but smart." She paused, the dangerous predator gone for a split second and the loving pixie back "Now calm down please, I know you probably won't but try?" I only nodded and turned my head back to the road attempting to calm my nerves as Alice slammed on the gas again and rain began pelting the windshield.

* * *

Minutes later we pulled into a familiar driveway and the Cullen mansion came into view, Alice quickly darting inside. Coming back out with a raincoat in hand and slipping it over me causing me to give her a puzzled glance "You are going to fight another vampire and you stop to get me a raincoat?"

"One less thing to worry about, now climb on and hang on my Bella" I quickly wrapped my arms around her neck as she lifted my legs to her waist and held them securely while I buried my face in her the crook of her neck, speeding off towards what may very well be the final confrontation with Victoria.

I tried in vain to force the fear down as I clung to Alice though never fully managing to push it away by the time she had slowed to a jog, the clearing coming into view once I lifted my head and detatched myself from Alice "Bella please calm down, I know it's hard and you are scared" She paused again, the same look she gave me in the car resurfacing as she took hold of my hands "But nothing will happen to anyone except Victoria, I promise" I nodded in response as a loud, fast thudding sound hit my ears and grew louder by the second until a familiar red-head with a smug smile stood between five growling wolves and Alice.

"Well isn't this lovely" Victoria sneered looking between her enemies "Tell me, did they help you little one?" My eyes flashed to the russet colored wolf baring his teeth at my hunter as Alice only growled "One would think you are more concerned about the fact that you are going to die. Right here and right now"

The red haired woman laughed loudly "I am smarter than those fiends behind me and you my dear. You, them and that worthless piece of flesh behind you will be dying" No more words were spoken, only growls filled the air as a loud crack of thunder echoed over the clearing. The two vampires circling each other with the wolves in a circle around the pair.

The next crash was not the sound of the storm overhead, but the sound of Alice and Victoria slamming into each other.

_'I know better than to bet against you... But please don't die'_


End file.
